WE ARE SHOCKED, REALLY SHOCKED!

According to the Hog Lick Corners Advertiser/Gazette, State Sen. Roy Ashburn (R-Calif.), was pulled over early last Wednesday morning and arrested for drunk driving. Buried at the end of the article was a brief mention that sources reported Ashburn, a fierce opponent of gay rights, was driving drunk after leaving a gay nightclub!

Senator Ashburn, a divorced father of four and strong family-values kinda guy, is a strong supporter of Camp Nickleby. He supports our low-paid, non-union staff and our commitment to shoving mindless worksheets into the hands of our campers.

Last spring, he came to present a lesson during our annual ‘Anybody Can Be A Teacher’ day. He presented a sewing demonstration in our Home Economics department, creating a lovely taffeta skirt in under ten minutes, using a Bernina 1008 machine. Senior Muntheenia Dwelb recalls Senator Ashburn’s visit. “The skirt he made was, like, totally awesome, but the guy kinda creeped me out. I mean, dude, he really liked my new pair of espadrilles and kept asking me where I got them and how much they cost.” stated Ms. Dwelb.

Ashburn has issued an apology for the incident: "I am deeply sorry for my actions and offer no excuse for my poor judgment. I accept complete responsibility for my conduct and am prepared to accept the consequences for what I did. I am also truly sorry for the impact this incident will have on those who support and trust me - my family, my constituents, my friends, and my colleagues in the Senate." There was no word whether the former Mrs. Ashburn was at his side during his apology.

Senator Ashburn eventually admitted that he is, in fact, gay! Billy Bob Norkle, president of the Camp Nickleby Young Republicans club, was beside himself with grief. "I just can't believe this about Senator Ashburn. This is really a hard one for me to swallow."

CAREER COUNSELING FROM A 15-YEAR-OLD!

Well, one more week, and the campers are out for spring break. The counselors here have noticed, for the past few weeks, that what look to be potential breeding pairs have been forming amongst the youngins, getting ready for a week of unsupervised glee in the woods.

As the break approaches, I was given something to ponder during my time away from camp. At the end of my third period Art Foundations class, while I was trying to get the little Rembrandts to actually try to clean up their messes, one of my little sophomores asked me, “So, Mr. Knurlman, do you really like teaching? And why do you do it?”

A fair question, I thought. I replied, “I just get a kick out of shaping the future generations of America!” Yeah, right.

My little sophomore opined, “You know, if, like I had to do your job to earn a living, I’d kill myself!”

On the drive home last night, as I was watching a large BNSF freight locomotive coming closer to the railroad crossing I was stopped at, I thought . . .