CAMP NICKLEBY

SOME HAPPY READING FOR A MONDAY . . .

2009-12-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

Came across this while eating my steel-cut oats this morning. Ya gotta check it out. Really explains what has happened to this 'beacon on the hill."

http://michaelklonsky.blogspot.com/2009/12/right-wing-goes-bananas-over-social.html

A MUST READ . . .

2009-11-30T12:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/addicted_to_nonsense_20091129/

I'M HEADIN' FOR BORDERS RIGHT NOW!

2009-11-17T07:51:00.000-08:00

Found this in my inbox from Borders this morning.

ALREADY??? Jeez, didn't the thing go on sale last week?

Sarah, Sarah, I implore you, PLEASE STFU!!!

PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, BUT . . .

2009-11-15T11:11:00.000-08:00

Listened to a great show this morning on KPFA.org. Doug Henwood's Behind the News show had Monty Neil (sp?) of fairtest.org talking about the RTTT b.s. and the greater charter school scam. Wish I could provide a link to it, but I was home schooled and we only had a TRS 80 to use! Worth the search, though.

RUNNING A SCHOOL LIKE A BUSINESS?

2009-11-14T09:28:00.001-08:00

The rush to privatize everything in this country continues. Every day, some Business Roundtable lunatic or U.S. Chamber of Commerce douche bag screams in the media that business practices should be applied to schools to make them more ‘efficient’. Yeah, like that’s the answer to the ‘problem’ of public schools. When I hear these loons, several words come to mind: Enron, General Motors, Lehman Brothers, and on and on.

Once again, I was confronted with ‘the business model’ in action. I made the mistake of going to the Lowe’s down in Hog Lick Corners last Tuesday. I was in search of a pendant light for my dining room. You know, getting the new place ready for the holidays. Normally, I avoid the big-box stores. I am always amazed at the policy of absolutely no eye contact, and their ability stay at least 30 feet back from their customers. But, oh well . . . anyway.

I started by searching their website, so I knew they had just what I was looking for. I found what I wanted on their shelves and proceeded to the checkout line. Eschewing their wonderful SELF CHECK OUT registers, which NEVER WORK, I actually found a cash register with an actual, live human being working at it! I couldn’t believe my luck. Heck, I’ll be out of this store and back home to install my new festive holiday lighting thingy. WRONG! The light cord (sold separately) rang up without a hitch. Then came the blown glass fixture (on CLEARANCE for $10.98). Of course, there was no bar code on the thing. This brought the entire transaction to a complete halt! I politely told Hortencia, the clerk, that the glass shade was ON CLEARANCE FOR $10.98! That didn’t work. She did not believe me. She called up an ‘expert’ in the lighting dept. She asked Skippy to do a price check. I made it known to Hortencia that I was in somewhat of a hurry, and I would like to get back home! Again I told Hortencia that I was positive the glass was ON CLEARANCE FOR $10.98! Still no response, just that far-off, ‘I hope my date tonight with Zach is gonna be fun’ look in her eyes. After about three minutes of waiting, I just said @$%& it, and left. Hortencia, having another out-of-body experience, didn’t blink an eye. Apparently this is the normal way of doing business at Lowe’s. I’m never going back.

YEAH, LET’S RUN PUBLIC SCHOOLS LIKE BUSINESSES. THAT’S THE TICKET, ARNE!

WHY IS MY PAYCHECK LESS THIS MONTH?

2009-11-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

I figured, “Hey, why try to re-invent the wheel, right?” I came across this on Huffington Post yesterday. It is basically the snarky, smart-ass essay I’ve had in rough-draft form for about eight months now. Well played, Mr. Danzinger!

I AM SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, JUST SHOCKED!

2009-11-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

This came from the NEA Morning Update thing

Study Shows Merit Pay In Texas Did Not Boost Student Achievement.

The Dallas Morning News (11/4, Stutz) reports that "for the $300 million spent on merit pay for teachers over the last three years, Texas was hoping for a big boost in student achievement. But it didn't happen with the now-defunct" Texas Educator Excellence Grant (TEEG), "according to experts hired by the state." Researchers from Texas A&M University, Vanderbilt University, and the University of Missouri studied "flaws in the way the program was designed and did not conclude whether merit pay for teachers in general is a good idea." However, they did say, "There is no systematic evidence that TEEG had an impact on student achievement gains" in Texas. The Dallas Morning News notes that TEEG, "which provided incentive pay for teachers at about 1,000 campuses a year in lower-income neighborhoods, was discontinued by the Legislature after the 2008-09 school year because of design problems."

IF THEY WANT TO GET SERIOUS ABOUT PUNISHING TEACHERS FOR THE DISMAL SCORES OF THEIR STUDENTS, WHO DON'T REALLY GIVE A RIP ABOUT THE TESTS, THEN IT IS TIME TO TIE TEST SCORES WITH THE LITTLE DARLINS' GPA AND GRADUATION REQUIREMENTS! PERIOD! THIS, OF COURSE, WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

WE WILL MISS YOU, MR. BUFFALO

2009-11-02T19:52:00.000-08:00

Damn! Norton Buffalo is gone! We here at the Camp are grieving again! Buffalo was just such a killer harmonica player and musician. I have a bunch of stuff of his on VINYL!!! And it's still PLAYABLE!!! Got one on the turntable now, sipping on a glass of 2006 Sebastiani Zinfandel to pay my respects. I grabbed this from the sonomanews.com.

Sonoma Valley lost one of its favorite sons on Friday, Oct. 30, when music legend and harmonica virtuoso Norton Buffalo passed away after a brief bout with cancer. According to Michael Hinton, a friend and music associate since 1973, Buffalo was surrounded by family and friends when he slipped into a coma and passed away, with his wife, Lisa Flores, by his side.

Born in Oakland on Sept. 28, 1951, Buffalo spent a good portion of his life living in Sonoma Valley, where he wrote and recorded his first album for Capitol Records in the mid-1970s, "Loving in the Valley of the Moon." Buffalo was a music legend in Sonoma Valley and in the world beyond, spending 32 years as the harmonica player for the Steve Miller Band, his own band, the Knockouts, and with a wide range of musicians, including Roy Rogers, Bonnie Raitt, members of the Grateful Dead, Doobie Brothers and Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen. Buffalo also acted and was the harmonica player for Bette Midler in the film "The Rose."

NORTON BUFFALO, Rest in Peace!

MAY I HAVE A SIDE OF COLD SLAW WITH THAT, PLEASE?

2009-10-28T13:00:00.001-07:00

WE LIKE SRIMP. WE LIKE CAJUN SRIMP, FRIED SRIMP, BARBEQUED SRIMP . . .

The staff here at Camp Nickleby always wonders what happens to our graduates. Well, we now know where last year’s valedictorian ended up. Bethalynda Gurd, Class of 2009, managed to get hired on at the local purveyor of breaded and fried protein down in Hog Lick Corners. And of course, being one of Camp Nickleby’s exemplary spellers, she was immediately put in charge of the reader board outside of the ‘restaurant’. As you can see, she has a rather intuitive approach to spelling. Also notice the inventive use of the number 7 and giving double duty to the letter ‘W’. Most people would not have those important outside-of-the-box problem-solving skills so important with American businesses today.

Good on ya, Bethalynda! We are so proud of you!

SO LONG SOUPY SALES

2009-10-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

We heard that Soupy Sales died last Thursday. The Camp is in mourning. When I was a kid, I don't think I missed one of his shows! I ran home from school everyday and plopped myself in front of the TV. Couldn't wait to see what White Fang was going to do on any given day. Soupy, and for that matter, The Three Stooges, made me the person I am today!

MEET OUR NEW YOGA AND PILATES INSTRUCTOR!

2009-10-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

Superintendent Kim Chee has been ragging on many of our staff members recently, claiming that we are out of shape. The nerve! She says we need to lose some weight and look more ‘professional’. WTF? To achieve her goal, she thought it would be a good idea to hire a staff Yoga and Pilates instructor. Yippee! Meet Duane ‘Moondawg’ Thudwiemer, our new Yoga and Pilates teacher. In addition to trying to get our counseling staff in shape, Duane will also be teaching classes in our P.E. department. We wish him luck.

To better introduce Duane to our loyal readers, here is a video of one of his yoga sessions, which he supplied to the interviewing committee last month. Please notice that Duane utilizes many of the classic yoga poses while attempting to purchase a large quantity of brewed adult beverage. Duane starts his routine with the Adho Mukha Svanasana or Downward Facing Dog, and then seamlessly flows into the Bhujangasana or Cobra. Next, watch as Duane utilizes the Uttanasana II or Forward Bend, then immediately segues into a perfectly-executed Trikonasana or Triangle pose. To culminate this perfect routine, Duane executes what could possibly be his finest move, the Savasana or Corpse pose.

Duane is a product of one of those new Teaching Credential mills we’ve been reading about. His training lasted a total of five weeks! We are expecting great thing from him. And no, we have no idea why his nickname is Moondawg!

TEST-TAKING TIPS FROM THE BRANIACS

2009-10-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m a used-book-store junkie (but in a good way). I like the smell of musty books, I like the fringe clientele, and of course I like the decaying ambiance. My latest find is, To Open Minds, by multiple-intelligences guru Howard Gardner. The subtitle, Chinese Clues to the Dilemma of Contemporary Education, reeled me in and shuttled me to the bookstore cashier. Although written 20 years ago, Gardner discusses the same school reform crap that we are going through now, only the names are different. I’m sure Arne, Newt and Al all have a dog-eared copy of this book on their nightstands. As I was perusing through the pages, I came upon this passage concerning test-taking, with a little bonus by William F. Buckley, thrown in for good measure.

Always a good test taker in school, I had found the Stevens Battery easy enough. My test-taking prowess was to continue when I took standardized tests in high school and college: I had whatever knack it takes to pick out the best answer from a set of four or five. The columnist William F. Buckley has aptly indicated that his own skill at such tests involved not figuring out the correct answer in any absolute sense, but rather figuring out “which was the answer the examiners probably desired me to give.” According to my own analysis, test taking assesses chiefly linguistic and logical intelligence, with some bonus points for speed, flexibility, and superficiality.

OCTOBER'S EDUCATIONAL 'TOOL' OF THE MONTH

2009-10-19T06:26:00.001-07:00

When I woke up Sunday morning, I was hoping there was something in the Cedarville Gazette that would make me come to camp this morning. Something to inspire me to teach. Something that would validate me as a teacher and a human being. And there it was! Nicholas D. Kristof, of the New York Times, has all the answers! In a recent opinion column, Kristof suggests that ‘good’ teachers and a ‘good’ education will bring America out of poverty! In his column, he states:

Good schools constitute a far more potent weapon against poverty than welfare, food stamps or housing subsidies. Yet, cowed by teachers' unions, Democrats have too often resisted reform and stood by as generations of disadvantaged children have been cemented into an underclass by third-rate schools.

See? Teachers have the power to end poverty and hunger in the United States, if only we didn’t have those damn unions, and if we were willing to do it all for minimum wage! Thank you, Mr. Kristof, for setting us straight. What a tool!

And here is some interesting night reading that I found on crooksandliars.com today.

EARTH SHIFTS AXIS THIRTY DEGREES!

2009-10-16T13:06:00.001-07:00

You might have missed this story in the MSM from last week, but apparently there was a moratorium on public school bashing by the wingnut punditry, causing the earth to shift on its axis by thirty degrees! This shift lasted for seventeen minutes. During this time, Vladivostok replaced the North Pole. This lapse in conservative invectives against public education and for union busting school reforms was brought about by President Obama receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, which caused many of the lunatics on the right to get their panties all in a bunch. They were so busy foaming at the mouth over Obama’s prize that they forgot to hammer away at public schools.

The likes of Ruben Navarette, Jr., Jonah Goldberg (former 101st Fighting Keyboarder), David Brooks and even Mortimer Zuckerman of U.S. News and World Report took their collective eyes off the prize. During those brief seventeen minutes, we in public education breathed a sigh of relief, but actually weren’t quite sure what to do in the classroom without some ‘expert’ telling us how to do our job.

YEP, I'D SAY IT'S WORKIN' REAL GOOOOOOOD!

2009-10-15T10:31:00.000-07:00

The New York Times (10/15, A18, Dillon) reports that new National Assessment of Educational Progress math scores "show that student achievement grew faster during the years before [NCLB], when states were dominant in education policy, than over the years since, when the federal law has become a powerful force in classrooms." According to the Times, NAEP scores "increased only marginally for eighth graders and not at all for fourth graders, continuing a sluggish six-year trend of slowing achievement growth since passage" of NCLB, "which requires schools to bring 100 percent of students to reading and math proficiency by 2014." The New York Times (10/15, A1, Medina) reports in a separate story on its front page, "New York State's fourth and eighth graders made no notable progress" on NAEP "math exams this year, according to test scores released on Wednesday, sharply contradicting the results of state-administered tests that showed record gains."

NCLB, THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING. THANKS, GEORGE!

DAMN, NOT EVEN IN THE TOP 100

2009-10-13T15:37:00.001-07:00

Well, I’m just a little bit bummed. After the campers headed back to their cabins today once classes were over, I shuffled over to Spellings Hall, to maybe get the last cup of simmering, afternoon coffee and put my feet up before I headed home.

On the table was a copy of the latest issue of Money magazine. And in it was an article, listing the 100 Best Jobs in America, according to them. Well, I couldn’t wait to see where public school teacher ranked on the list. I searched the list for ‘high school teacher’. Nothing. I searched for ‘public school teacher’. Nothing. I searched for ‘miracle worker’. Nothing. I even searched for ‘pathetic, delusional sucker’. Still nothing.

I thought for sure the noble profession of public school teacher would rank, oh I don’t know, at least 99, maybe even as high as 95. I feel so dirty.

AND THE TROPHY GOES TO . . .

2009-10-06T12:53:00.001-07:00

We started a new project in 3D Design today. The kiddies are to create a new sport and then make a trophy or award for it. Because of my many years of MUMBO JUMBO instruction, I know how important the anticipatory set is when introducing a new lesson. I showed several slides of famous awards and trophies (Oscar, Americas Cup, Heismann, etc.). When I came to the Davis Cup, I asked if anybody knew what sport this trophy was for. I timid and hesitant reply came from the back of the room. "Cake decorating?" was the response.

Come to think of it, that makes a load of sense!

OTHER GENDER?

2009-10-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

Last night, as I was filling out my KPFA membership survey, I came across this section! I laughed so hard, I almost dropped my glass of 2006 Australian Shiraz. Last time I checked, there were only TWO GENDERS! What could possibly be considered an ‘OTHER’?

Questions, questions, they’ve got questions!

2009-10-02T13:04:00.001-07:00

At the end of every lecture, I hesitantly ask a class, “Any questions?” Usually I receive the glazed looked, signally the fact that they had absolutely no interest in the last fifteen minutes of their life in the classroom. Occasionally, there is the classroom smart-ass who comes up with a question that only he and his minions they is absolutely hilarious. Then I received yesterday’s question.

“Teacher, what’s a yeast infection,” a young lady asked me, her table-mates snickering underneath their breath. Considering that the art lecture preceding this little gem was on color theory, I was hard-pressed to find a connection between the two. Not wanting to fall into her trap and remembering that I forgot to go to medical school, I came up with the only safe answer I could think of. “It is an accident that happens in a bakery,” I proclaimed, dodging another sticky situation.

I’m really looking forward to the weekend.

ANOTHER LUNATIC EXPLAINS IT TO US

2009-09-20T14:29:00.000-07:00

Most of us in the teaching biz understand that NCLB is nothing more than a thinly-veiled attack on public education or education in general, no matter what the grade, in this country of morons we live in. When one reads that only 39% of the population believes in Darwin’s theory, and the rest believe dinosaurs were on Noah’s big ship, we are in big trouble. The rest of the world must be laughing their collective asses off at us.

My take is that the right-wing lunatics are still pretty much in control, no matter who is in the White House. The march to the middle ages continues. The powers that be continue their plan to create a generation of docile, gullible working class workers, willing to take any scraps that are thrown at them.

I found this gem of an article in the New York Times, written by the appropriately-named Dick Morris, former confidant to the Clintons, and now yet another lunatic, right-wing, overpaid talking head on Fox News. Yeah, Dick, you have all the answers. Blame it on the @%&*ing liberal, bleeding-heart professors. Teachers of all grade levels just make too damn much money!!! Why can’t everybody in the teaching profession be happy working for minimum wage?

ANOTHER HEARTWARMING STORY

2009-09-16T13:01:00.001-07:00

Every now and then, in this crazy business, something comes along that just makes you proud to be alive. I had that type of experience this morning.

During studio time in my ceramics class, I noticed 'Robert' working diligently on his coil project. Perhaps a vase for flowers? I asked him what he was making and he said, "It's a present for my mom." I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

NEW COMEDY DUO CURRENTLY ON TOUR

2009-09-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

Not since Laurel and Hardy, Martin and Lewis or even Reiner and Brooks have I been so entertained by a comedy act. Listening to NPR last Saturday morning, host Scott Simon was interviewing the new comedy team of Gingrich and Sharpton. Never have I laughed so hard. In fact, I laughed so forcefully, I blew approximately three ounces of steel-cut oats out of my nostrils! This dynamic comedy duo is currently on a 50-state tour of the United States to promote their innovative ideas concerning public education. And their innovative ideas consist of MORE CHARTER SCHOOLS! Yep, that's the ticket. Just watch those test scores rise with each new charter school founded.

Let’s review, shall we, what fine gentlemen these two are, not to mention experts on public education.

Being a family-values kind of Republican, Gingrich has been married three times. He married Jackie Battley, his former high school geometry teacher, when he was 19 years old! (I wonder what he got on the SAT) She was seven years his senior! They divorced in 1981. Jackie Battley Gingrich was wife No. 2 and supported him through graduate school and two unsuccessful congressional campaigns. She had undergone uterine cancer surgery during the successful 1978 campaign. Eighteen months later, they separated. While in the hospital recovering from another uterine operation, according to the legend of Newt Gingrich, he visited his wife in the hospital with a list of things on how the divorce was going to be handled. He wanted her to sign it. She was still recovering from surgery! Nice guy!

In 1981, six months after his divorce was final, Gingrich wed Marianne Ginther. He remained married to Ginther until 2000, when they divorced. Shortly thereafter, Gingrich then married Callista Bisek, with whom he was conducting an extra-marital affair at approximately the same time he was leading the Congressional investigation into allegations that Bill Clinton lied under oath about his affair with Monica Lewinsky You could not make this stuff up!

Al Sharpton is a former boy preacher (oh, good!). But he was caught on an FBI surveillance tape discussing a cocaine Deal. The television show HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel showed a 1983 FBI videotape in which Al Sharpton is seen talking about laundering drug money with former mobster Michael Franzese, a Mafioso-turned-undercover-FBI informant posing as a cocaine dealer. Now, to be fair, no indictments were issued and the sting operation was never completed. Sharpton got into this mess through his friendship with boxing promoter Don King, a longtime friend of his. Oh yeah, and there’s that whole Tawana Brawley thing, but we don’t wanna go there, do we?

I JUST THANK JEEBUS EVERY DAY FOR EXPERTS TO TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB!

I found the above graphic on somebody's blog and loved it. Hope I don't get busted for it!

I GUESS THIS IS WHY WE DO IT

2009-09-11T12:54:00.000-07:00

While cleaning up some old files last weekend, I came across this card from a former student. I remember her, from about seven years ago when I taught special ed. She was a tough one. But she made it through. I ran into her about five years ago. She had a job, working at the local K-Mart. It is always great to hear the success stories. Puts all the rest of the NCLB crap into perspective.

My scanner at Camp Nick is junk. Just hit the graphic above to get a more readable image.

BOOSTER CLUB CAR WASH GOES TERRIBLY AWRY

2009-09-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

No good deed goes unpunished. This old adage pretty much sums up the Camp Nickleby Booster Club’s fundraiser car wash.

Labor Day promised to be a beautiful one, up here in the pines. The air was clean and crisp, with an assortment of puffy white clouds meandering through a clear, blue sky. The ladies from the Booster Club arrived and 7:00 a.m., equipped with buckets, sponges, car-washing soap, and even several bottles of Turtle Wax for those customers who might want to go the extra mile. Several student volunteers from the Camp Nickleby Motor Sports Club were even on hand to help out. Cars started trickling in as soon as church let out at 9:00 a.m. By 11:00 a.m., only eight cars had come through the car wash. Things were looking fairly dismal. The feeling of disappointment was palpable. The ladies of the club started second guessing the whole concept of the car wash and were wondering if they would be better off just sticking with bingo games on Monday nights. Then everything turned a corner.

The girls from the Kit Kat Gentlemen’s Club a block down from Kmart went on their morning smoke break. They noticed the car wash and decided to volunteer their services. In fact, Candy, one of the dancers, has a daughter enrolled at Camp Nickleby. As is the traditional up here in the mountains, Candy is only twice her 16-year-old’s age, so it worked for everybody concerned. Well, Candy and her friend Tiger, stripped down to their car-washing attire, and began to get busy. It didn’t take too long before word got out on every cell phone in the pines. Tiger, spying a tetherball pole at the nearby elementary school, performed an impromptu performance for customers waiting their turn. Cars were backed up thirteen miles on Road 39.

Consumed with the spirit of the day, one of the fathers joined the car washers. Dale Fernwood, father of the Fernwood twins, Mack and Darnell, showed up wearing a lovely little two-piece number, energetically waving a CAR WASH sign to attract even more customers. The ladies decided to extend the closing time of the car wash to 5:00 p.m.

Overwhelmed with the spectacle of the day, Booster Club President Era Mae Bullard is seriously considering going into Cedarville tomorrow and getting a tramp stamp at the Big Butterfly Tattoo Parlor. The other ladies tried to talk her out of it. Oh yeah, the club raised $17,549!

COME ONE, COME ALL, BRING YOUR GUNS!

2009-09-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

While driving through Hog Lick Corners last Saturday, I came upon this sign outside of the Eye of the Needle Baptist Church, and I figured, oh, what the hell! I'm sure there will be a huge turnout. I just hope they don't yell at the people in wheelchairs. I hate it when that happens, don't you? But then again, maybe those people are in wheelchairs for a reason? Hmmmmmmmm, one of the many unanswered questions of the universe.