CAMP NICKLEBY

TALES OF RETAIL FAILS #715

2011-12-23T06:13:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, we often hear the wingnut talking point that "Schools should be run like a business!"
Yeah, that would make all the difference.

Was in the Office Depot in Cedarville yesterday, doing a little last-minute shopping. I wanted to get a digital camera for my son. After looking at way too many brands and models at several stores, I settled on a Canon at O.D. A salesperson asked me if I needed help. After my initial shock of actually having my presence in the store acknowledged, I told him I wanted to purchase the Canon. He looked up the model number to see if they had any in stock?!? He assured me that, indeed, they had three (3) in stock. I took the inventory tag to the counter to buy the camera. The salesgirl told her associate to get the camera from the stock room. Her associate came back to the counter at least two times to get the model number. Writing it down the first time would have been too difficult for her, apparently. And the clock began to run. I waited and waited and waited. The clerk told me, "She's having a little trouble locating it in the storeroom!" And I'm thinking, do they not have things organized as to product and product number on the shelves, or is everything they sell just in a large pile?

I told the clerk that she had two minutes to find it. And I waited, and waited and . . . I gave up. And this is why I shop online.

CAMPERS POISONED BY TURKEY STUFFING GONE AWRY

2011-11-24T10:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday’s annual Thanksgiving lunch feast was marred by an unfortunate and unintentional, accidental poisoning of several of our campers. Seventeen campers in all were affected by consuming turkey stuffing that went terribly awry. Of these seventeen students, nine needed to be hospitalized. Of those nine, seven have been sent home, but two remain in intensive care, including Bwenda Neengle, the daughter of one of our counselors.

Camp lunch lady, Munthelda Dwerm, made a last-minute substitution to her favorite stuffing recipe. Handed down for generations from her Jamaican-born grandmother, it calls for one cup of chopped habanero peppers, to give it a little ‘zing”. As she was in the middle of preparation of the stuffing, she realized that she failed to purchase peppers at the local market. As luck would have it, Ms. Dwerm had the TV turned to FOX News. Ace TV journalist Megyn Kelly mentioned on air that pepper spray was “a food product, essentially.” She then remembered her ex-husband, Fenbrook Dwerm, left several canisters of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band Pepper Spray, from his days as a campus cop at UC Davis, before he left to go back to Huntsville, Alabama. She ran home and retrieved a canister and brought it back to camp.

The recipe called for one cup of chopped peppers. Ms. Dwerm, not being a mathematician, wrongly interpolated that a three-minute spray of the ‘food product’ would successfully add the needed ‘heat’. She was terribly, terribly wrong.

Within several minutes after the campers sat down to their holiday feast, screams of pain and terror could be heard emanating from the cafeteria. Many students ran out, mouths open, and headed for the lake, where some were able to subdue the pain by gulping down lake water.

Bobbie Dean Prunt, one of the affected campers, was asked by a reporter from the local newspaper what the stuffing tasted like. He replied, “It tasted like burning!”

And that’s the news from Camp Nickleby, where students enjoy daily, mountain hikes, and no child’s left behind.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

BRUNCH TIME AT CAMP!

2011-11-06T09:26:00.001-08:00

I guess there is currently a comma shortage taking place in the United States.

TEACHING IS EASY! ANYBODY CAN DO IT!

2011-10-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

Found this in the September 24, 2011 edition of the Los Angeles Times. This guy's story sounds vaguely familiar, but I'm not exactly sure why that is.

Oh, wait, I do know!!!

http://articles.latimes.com/2011/sep/24/local/la-me-0924-banks-20110924

My favorite part:

While Davidson was "trying to give a lesson on shading," the troublemakers were "whacking each other with rulers, throwing paper across the room, getting up and walking around."

They blocked the door when he tried to close it, talked over him when he tried to teach.

The first time it happened this semester, he summoned security "four times during the period and help never came."

Day after frustrating day, he said, the scenario replayed. And when he sought support, administrators met his request with a checklist: Have you contacted their parents? Have you encouraged the students? Have you treated them with respect?

Yes, that's it! Just treat them with respect and everything will be swell. Why, you'll have them eating out of your hand. Or eating your hand! I'm not really sure which.

EDUCATIONAL 'TOOL' FOR OCTOBER

2011-10-02T17:50:00.000-07:00

MOTIVATIONAL POSTER FOR SEPTEMBER

2011-09-07T19:17:00.000-07:00

OK, now I think they're going just a little bit too far!

THE COMPUTER LAB NAZI!

2011-08-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

THE BEST GUITAR SONG EVER!

2011-08-28T18:37:00.000-07:00

Schools Matter: On Democracy Now! "Poverty Is the Problem": Effort...

2011-08-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

Schools Matter: On Democracy Now! "Poverty Is the Problem": Effort...: The Democracy Now! team discusses recent developments in New York's assessment plans, the U.S. Department of Education's controversial No Ch...

CERAMICS 101

2011-08-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

Well, we're off to a good start this school year. Yesterday I demonstrated throwing on the potter's wheel. Today, a few of the campers gave it a try. Overheard one future potter say to his friend, "I don't know what I'm doing. I wasn't paying attention yesterday." And so it goes . . .

SHE JUST WON'T GO AWAY!

2011-08-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

RIP, Hazel Dickens

2011-04-22T22:07:00.000-07:00

Hazel Dickens was an American bluegrass singer, songwriter, double bassist and guitarist. She was the eighth child of an eleven-child mining family in West Virginia. Her music is characterized not only by her high, lonesome singing style, but also by her provocative pro-union, feminist songs.

I'm going to go into the next room and tune up my Dobro, in Hazel's honor.

EDUCATIONAL 'TOOL' FOR APRIL

2011-04-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

DING, DING, DING, WE HAVE A WINNER!

Selecting the Educational 'Tool' of the Month is always a difficult task here at Camp Nickleby because there is always a plethora of choices. This month we narrowed it down to James Carville's wife, right-wing pundit Mary Matalin!

We were sitting around Spellings Hall Friday night, listening to Left, Right and Center, streamed from KCRW in Santa Monica (the Home of the Homeless). The discussion of weekly news eventually entered the murky world of EDUCATION REFORM (turn up the screeching violins)! When it was Mrs. Carville's turn to chime in, we all waited with baited breath. And then, there it was. "The problem with our schools is that there are too many bad teachers who can't be fired because of TEACHER UNIONS (more screeching violins . . . Norman?)."

Thanks again Mrs. Carville for staying with the Republican script and reducing political discourse to meaningless, right-wing sound bites.

USING THEIR NEWLY-ACQUIRED 21ST CENTURY SKILLS

2011-04-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

WHAT TIME IS IT? Well, I received quite a shock yesterday. One of the campers asked me what time it was. I politely pointed to the old-school, analog clock on the wall, prominently displaying the time as 1:43 p.m. My little 10th grader sheepishly told me she didn't know how to tell time on 'one of those kind of clocks'! I proceeded to ask the rest of class how many had trouble telling time on an analog clock. About 75% of the campers raised their hands, and one piped up and volunteered, "That what our cell phones are for!" OMG

2011-03-30T06:24:00.001-07:00

THIS ABOUT SUMS IT UP!

2011-03-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

WAS LISTENING TO ROBBIE'S SHOW ON KPFA THIS MORNING. THIS CAME ON, SUNG BY THE FOREMAN. THOUGHT IT WAS VERY APROPOS, CONSIDERING THE CURRENT ZEITGEIST IN THE GOOD OLD USA!

Couldn't find a YouTube version of it. Maybe I'll do one!!!

Everyman (for Himself)
words and music by Roy Zimmerman*

(sung)
When your heart is heavy
When the night has been too long
When every road you choose
Muddies up your shoes
And leads you wrong

When you're cold and lonely
When your rope is at its end
When darkness clouds the skies
And tears fill your eyes
When you just need a friend

Don't look at me
Wipe your own damn nose
And if I've kept you down or made you cry
Or trampled all your hopes and dreams
Well, that's the way it goes

In heaven there's no hate or war
In heaven no one's hungry or poor
In heaven they hold hands evermore
But we're on earth
And here on earth
It's everyman for himself

When you're a Black, Chicano, Native-American, Jewish lesbian folk singer
And this morning when you woke up you hit your head on the steering wheel
You're shoulder deep in s#%&
And you just wanna quit
I know how you can get a handgun without the usual background check

Get off my lawn
Pay your rent on time

And if I hire illegals to build a wall around my property
It's just 'cause I'm
Tough on crime

In heaven there's no fear or need
In heaven no one's rabid with greed
In heaven you get laid guaranteed
But we're on earth
And here on earth
It's everyman for himself

'Cause there's a hot wind a'blowin'
Can't you feel it?
It's blowin' hard!
So, where's your national pride, brother?
Where's your national I.D. card?

(spoken)
And even as we send the American liberal off to the great society in the sky, we await the day when he'll be joined by his friends, the literate and the tolerant... when all the frivolous arts and sciences are replaced by nationwide network of publicly-funded putting greens... the government at the people, and above the people, and in spite of the people shall not perish, but that certain people shall... and until then, my friends...

(sung)
It's every man for himself!

*Thanks Roy! Hope you don't mind using your stuff! Check's in the mail?

HAPPY 100TH ANNIVERSARY!

2011-03-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

Why do we have unions in this country? Oh, oh, wait! I know, I know!

I AM SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, JUST SHOCKED!

2011-03-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

Well , finally we find out what is REALLY behind the school reform movement.

GOOD READING TOO! BUILD A NICE BIG FIRE, REFILL THAT GLASS OF ZINFANDEL, AND ENJOY!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20110323/us_nm/us_iowa_1

Atheists Don't Have No Songs-Steve Martin With The Steep Canyon Rangers

2011-03-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

HOMAGE TO THE NORMAL BELL CURVE

2011-03-06T20:53:00.000-08:00

JOKE DU JOUR

2011-03-02T13:19:00.000-08:00

A unionized public employee, a Tea Partier, and a CEO are sitting at a table. In the middle of the table is a plate with a dozen cookies on it.

The CEO reaches across and takes 11 cookies, then looks at the Tea Partier and says “Watch out for that union guy—he wants a piece of your cookie!”

And so it goes . . .

AND THIS IS WHY I DRINK!

2011-02-28T11:23:00.000-08:00

Last week, we had a lesson on the My Sweet Lord chocolate Jesus sculpture by Cosimo Cavallaro which created quite a ruckus a few years ago. Many in the Christian community got their undies all tied in a bunch. After a vigorous class discussion on whether or not this work was blasphemous, rude, or just plain dumb, I directed my students to write an essay on their personal feelings on the subject. One of my superstars, a ninth grader, turned this exemplary sample of his work in for a grade. The real kicker is, this kid plans to go to Berkeley some day!!! I just can't do this anymore.

CHECK ONE MORE OFF THE BUCKET LIST!

2011-02-19T16:18:00.000-08:00

Just got back from The Land That Time Forgot. Got to see Todd Snider at the Rio Theatre in the People's Republic of Santa Cruz. Great show, great town, great people. This guy puts on one helluva show!

Todd Snider "Conservative Christian, Right Wing Republican,

2011-02-19T16:17:00.000-08:00

Bartleby Project 2011: Do not take your state tests!

2011-02-15T06:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Lucinda Williams 1/26/53

2011-01-28T20:09:00.000-08:00

U.S. HISTORY 101. WELL, SORT OF . . .

2011-01-14T09:34:00.000-08:00

This one actually gave me a headache this morning. We discussed the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C. and its designer, Maya Lin, in class today. Reflecting on the fact that the United States lost over 57,000 young soldiers in that 'conflict' and the cruel irony that I discovered that my recently-purchased digital guitar tuner was made in that evil, communist country, I decided to access my students' prior knowledge about the Vietnam war, which we all know in the teacher biz is a very important teaching strategy. I asked my 3D Design class if they knew why the United States was fighting in Vietnam during the 60s and 70s. One young lady, and soon-to-be-graduating senior, took the plunge and answered, "Because the Vietnamese bombed Pearl Harbor!"

Ouch! This is gonna be a five-Tylenol day, I just know it!

Tora, Tora, Tora Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Shorter Sarah Palin

2011-01-12T22:44:00.000-08:00

THE BUCKS STOP HERE

2011-01-06T12:25:00.001-08:00

It's a bitterly-cold day here at Camp Nickleby. As I look out my window, I can see at least three feet of snow on the ground. I have a few pieces of seasoned oak in my Jotul wood stove crackling away. I'm in my cabin, begrudgingly grading campers' finals and other work from last semester. Grades must be in by Monday and I've been in full procrastination mode since the semester ended on December 17th. But at least the campers did not disappoint.

While grading their slide identification finals, I came across a few answers that brought a smile to my face. The correct answer for #4 is Buckminster Fuller, visionary credited with the invention of the geodesic dome. Several students, however, seemed to think that he was also involved with the country music scene in Bakersfield! They identified the person in the slide not as Mr. Fuller, but as Buck Owens! They never cease to amaze!

Sarah Palin: Misinformer of the Year

2010-12-26T11:50:00.000-08:00

AND LEST WE FORGET, HAPPY FESTIVUS EVERYONE!

2010-12-23T14:21:00.000-08:00

The Festivus

2010-12-23T14:20:00.000-08:00

BLESSED ARE THE FUNNY PEOPLE, FOR THEY SHALL MAKE US LAUGH!

2010-12-21T17:26:00.000-08:00

Nothing to Hide and No Excuses: Video Evaluation to Raise Teacher Quality

2010-12-19T07:05:00.000-08:00

Captain Beefheart & Magic Band - Sure 'nuff 'n Yes I do

2010-12-18T23:17:00.000-08:00

R.I.P. Captain Beefheart

2010-12-17T22:04:00.001-08:00

Musician and artist Don Van Vliet (left), who performed a complex brand of experimental rock under the name Captain Beefheart, died Friday. He was 69.

The Michael Werner Gallery in New York confirmed Van Vliet's death in California due to complications stemming from multiple sclerosis. The gallery exhibits his paintings.

THERE ARE A LOT OF BAD TEACHERS OUT THERE!

2010-12-10T14:31:00.000-08:00

For those practitioners of the world’s second-oldest profession, teaching, who assume that knuckle-dragging Neanderthal wingnuts are the only ones consumed by the desired to destroy public education, think again. While listening to ‘progressive’ KPFA (Berkeley) on the way home Tuesday, I heard a discussion about the mess the Oakland schools are in, partly as a result of the most recent attempts at school ‘reform’ in that city.

One of the young contributors to the discourse, a high school student, made the unsubstantiated claim that, “There are a lot of bad teachers out there!” The show’s host dutifully parroted this remark. Really? There are that many bad teachers out there? Exactly how many bad teachers would a lot be? So I thought and thought, and I came to the sad realization that, my God, I am possibly one of those bad teachers too!

About 55% of the students in my four Foundations of Art classes are flunking. Some kids have accumulated less than 25% of the points possible! And they don’t care and they are rather proud of their dysfunction.

BUT I’M A BAD TEACHER BECAUSE . . .

Many kids think a 24 oz. Monster energy drink and a bag of Cheetohs constitutes a perfectly proper breakfast.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

Many kids are habitually tardy and miss valuable class time. When their parents are contacted, they blame it on the teacher or just don’t care.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

A large percentage of the kids just don’t give a shit about their education. They don’t think they are going to need it. They are totally unmotivated. They will NEVER be motivated. They think that just ‘turning in the work’ is enough to garner them a decent score.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

They can’t write a complete sentence to save their lives. They act indignant when they are required to use proper grammar and basic writing conventions in their written work.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

They would rather ‘secretly’ send message on their phones than do work in class. Some even spend class time working on their face makeup!
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

Some are basically pigs and expect their mothers to clean up after themselves. Their mothers aren’t here.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

One kid told me he doesn’t need a high school diploma or college degree because he is such a good basketball player, the NBA is going to sign him up right out of high school. He’s 5’ 7”!
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

They can’t understand why I expect them to keep their mouths shut while I’m trying to teach. They are rude little monsters and have never been taught how to be otherwise.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

Many students drop out of school because of mindless, state-mandated canned curriculum, and senseless, standardized tests that measure absolutely nothing.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

A student’s mind is not on her class work because her second child is at home sick, being watched by her loser, twenty-five-year-old boyfriend.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

The Camp is populated with groups of 14-year-old girls sharing tales of teenage angst and spewing unbelievable profanity like an NBA point guard.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

Many of our campers at Camp Nickleby head down to Mexico and add an additional two or three weeks onto their normal winter break of three weeks. When asked why, they reply, “Family is more important than education.” Some parents actually tell the camp they will be going to the motherland, then just stay home for a few extra weeks!
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

I am a teachers' union member.
AND I’M A BAD TEACHER

WHEN DO WE HIT BOTTOM OF STUPID?

2010-11-16T12:25:00.000-08:00

This will probably be my last post. I'm closing down.

I turned in my resignation letter to Dr. Chee today. I just can't take it anymore. My last day will be next Wednesday.

It is all rather pointless, this thing called education. The raw materials we have to work with just get more inferior as the years go by. You always hope that eventually you'll hit the bottom in the well of stoopid, but nope, it always gets worse.

The kids we deal with are amazingly moronic, to the point of being painful. There is no hope for them, and yet, we are to make them 'career or college ready'! WTF? It ain't gonna happen.

I'm tired of the constant profanity spewing from the mouths of 14-year-old girls.

I'm tired of having to monitor teenage cleavage.

I'm tired of being expected to break up potential teenage breeding pairs hiding in the bushes.

I'm tired of the endless testing that doesn't measure anything valid.

I'm tired of the mindless 'professional development days' which don't have any value.

I'm tired of the lazy kids who constantly need to be 'motivated' to work.

I'm tired of these lazy kids expecting a decent grade just because "I turned in all of my work!"

I'm tired . . . . .

Not sure what I'm going to do yet. I have some money saved up. Might be enough to last a year or so. I'm hoping that sales position at PayLess Shoes comes through. At least I'll be doing something that I could be proud of, you know, making people happy with a new pair of shoes on their feet.

GLASSBLOWING 101

2010-10-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

It's always satsifying when the campers listen intently during a lecture or demonstraton, then take that knowledge learned and move it to a new, higher level. I just love project-based assessments, don't you?

Last Thursday, I showed the campers a video of the glass artist Dale Chilhuly. I explained how glass was made and the process of hand-blown glass. They seemed very interested. One child in particular.

Monday I discovered this little gem in a cardboard box, in the back of the room!

Our science teacher asked me today if I knew anything about some missing test tubes from her lab. I said I didn't know anything.

EDUCATIONAL 'TOOL' FOR OCTOBER

2010-10-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

Waiting for Schmuckman

Ding, ding, ding . . . we have a winner!

John Harmer, Tea Party Darling for California’s 11th Congressional District in the upcoming election, doesn’t just want to ‘reform’ public education; he wants to do away with it entirely! He wants to return education to "the way things worked through the first century of American nationhood." You know, when kids had to write on planks of wood with charcoal? Neat!

In 2000, Harmer published a lengthy op-ed in the San Francisco Chronicle titled, "Abolish the Public Schools." In that piece, Harmer argues that "government should exit the business of running and funding schools." He contends that would allow for "quantum leaps in educational quality and opportunity" and notes that he's simply pushing for a return to "the way things worked. In Harmer’s mind, this is how it was, back in the day:

Literacy levels among all classes, at least outside the South, matched or exceeded those prevailing now, and . . . public discourse and even tabloid content was pitched at what today would be considered a college-level audience. Schooling then was typically funded by parents or other family members responsible for the student, who paid modest tuition. If they couldn't afford it, trade guilds, benevolent associations, fraternal organizations, churches and charities helped. In this quintessentially American approach, free people acting in a free market found a variety of ways to pay for a variety of schools serving a variety of students, all without central command or control.

Wow! I really hope this lunatic wins!

And I just love the family. Right out of central casting, no?

JUST SHAKE THEM IN THE AIR 'TIL THEY'RE DRY

2010-10-13T13:10:00.000-07:00

For the past two days, I have left signs, asking our crack custodial staff to give me a supply of paper towels, so the little campers can dry their hands after washing. No paper towels on day one. No paper towels on day two. Day three, I was notified that apparently I have gone through my yearly allotment of paper towels. I had no idea there was a limit although the little campers, being somewhat inconsiderate little jerks, do go through quite a few towels during the day. Even demonstrating that one can efficiently dry one's hands with two, perhaps three towels max. However, it is more fun for them to grab a handful of towels, half of which will fall to the floor, relatively unused.

Discovering this conundrum, I suggested that they bring towels from home, or dry their hands on each other's clothing. The boys seemed to like this solution, but the girls? Mmmmmm, not so much. It is my understanding that charter schools have an unlimited supply of paper towels. That's why they are better.

Hitler learns about Rich Iott's SS photos -- original

2010-10-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

CONFRONTING THE ZEITGEIST HEAD ON

2010-10-12T13:17:00.000-07:00

While driving to Camp this morning, I made a quick dash into the Wal-Mart (spawn of Satan) in Hog Lick Corners to pick up some supplies for the class room. Seems our purchase order has been ‘lost’ somewhere in Dr. Chee’s office.

After filling up my little blue basket with No. 2 pencils (which the idiots will chew down to stubs in a matter of minutes), erasers (which they don’t know how to use) and some pencil sharpeners (which they will destroy before the day is through) I went to the check out. An older villager lady was working at the register. She asked me what all of my purchases were for. I told her I was a public school teacher at Camp Nickleby. She asked if I liked my work and a said, “No, I hate it!” She then asked, as if reading off of cue cards supplied by Arne Duncan, “It’s because of those teachers’ unions, isn’t it? The school can’t get rid of all of those BAD TEACHERS because of tenure!”

I was going to ask her, “How many bad teachers do you think are actually in our schools?” But I figured, why bother? She’s probably Waiting for Superman too!

WHO SAYS WE DON'T TEACH PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS ANYMORE?

2010-10-10T22:00:00.001-07:00

I went in to Camp today, on a SUNDAY, on my BIRTHDAY, on my ON TIME, to grade some work and get the room ready for the new week. Yes, a unionized, librul, quasi-socialist, evil public school teacher working OFF THE CLOCK! In the words of John Lennon, 'IMAGINE'.

Much to my surprise, I came upon this little gem. Seems REALLY SMART CHILD #1 couldn't get the glue out of the bottle Friday while working on his or her project because REALLY SMART CHILD #2 failed to clear the cap on the glue bottle before putting it back in the cabinet. REALLY SMART CHILD #1 really, really needed some glue so . . . he or she did what every thinking REALLY SMART CHILD would do, cut open the bottle of glue with an Xacto knife, thus making the bottle useless! THANK YOU, REALLY SMART CHILD.

60 on 10-10-10!

2010-10-10T07:20:00.000-07:00

Not sure how this happened, by awoke this morning to find that I’ve been on this planet for sixty years now! Ouch.

I’m now at that point in my life where I have both an orthopedic surgeon and a urologist on my speed dial.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN LENNON

2010-10-09T08:03:00.001-07:00

John Winston Ono Lennon, MBE
9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980

HE was always my favorite Beatle!

THEY CAN SMELL BLOOD IN THE WATER

2010-10-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

Well, last Friday proved to be an interesting day at Camp Nickleby. My sixth period class, you know, my favorite, came apart again. This time, it was because there was a rumor going around that two of the Idiot Children were going to do battle in class. A group of about six Idiots Girls could smell the blood in the water and were unable to come into the classroom, choosing instead to run up and down the corridor, waiting with anticipation for the exciting event.

Idiot Boy #1 and Idiot Boy #2 became engaged in a pissing contest on Thursday. Anybody's guess as to what it was about. I received a call from one of our counselors warning me that something might happen. The plan was, Idiot Girl #1 was going to try to get me out of the classroom, under false pretenses. When I was out of the room, the Idiot Boys were going to clobber each other.

Well, apparently the Idiot Boys decided to put their pugilistic plans on hold for the day. Unfortunately, they failed to notify Idiot Girl #1 that they were not going to clobber each other that day. She tried to get me out of the class room anyway, saying another student needed my help outside in the art patio. Idiot Girl #1 failed to realize that said student was still in the class room!

I just know these kids are going to end up in a future edition of THE DARWIN AWARDS!

Schools Matter: Rick Ayers on WfS at Democracy Now

2010-10-01T21:50:00.000-07:00

Schools Matter: Rick Ayers on WfS at Democracy Now: "From Democracy Now: Waiting for Superman, a new documentary by filmmaker Davis Guggenheim, has caused a stir in the education world for its..."

WHEN, EXACTLY, DID I BECOME JANE GOODALL?

2010-09-28T15:36:00.000-07:00

We have managed to complete almost five weeks of the new school year. So far, none of the campers have been strangled by their teachers. Many have come close.

Because of budget constraints, Dr. Kim Chee decided to have the camp go to a seven-period day. Apparently, this was to save money. Or something. More periods and less teaching time in each period. Brilliant!

The little campers can’t handle it. I thought last year’s incoming class of freshmen were as dumb as a box of hammers, but this year’s class is about to break all records for stupidity, with a little extra on the side for just plain rudeness. Apparently, these children have been raised by a pack of wild wolves. My after-lunch classes resemble a cage full of chimpanzees! Their classroom behavior is off the chart! They are loud, foul-mouthed, unkempt, boorish, mean, slovenly, rude and totally unmanageable. And they are proud of it!

They are about two degrees away from throwing feces at each other! When I hear Barry and his winged-monkey Arne blaming all of the problems on teachers, I just have to scream! I can’t teach anymore. I no longer have the strength. About 85% of my time is taken up with classroom management, herding the little @#%&heads to the office. There was a time when I would try to turn around the little ‘project children.’ See if I could fix them. I just don’t give a damn anymore. They are broken and can’t be fixed. #$&* ‘em.

We are going to hell in a hand basket, and fast!

I'M GETTIN' OUTTA DODGE!

2010-09-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

Five weeks into the new school year and I'm fried already! The children, the children! More about them later.

Packing the car up this morning and heading down the hill to the lovely little town of Sanger, California. Going to the Hobbs Grove Bluegrass Festival! Taking my mandolin, my geetar, and perhaps the Dobro. Hoping to jam with some folks and learn some new bluegrass licks.

Hope-to-hell I can recharge my batteries. Otherwise, I might as well just turn in my resignation letter Monday morning.

UPDATE!

Had a great time! Favorite group, Snap Jackson, out of Stockton. A trio playing an eclectic mix of bluegrass, jazz and a pinch of alt. They even use a uke on some songs. You can never go wrong with an uke!

Camped next to a big RV. My neighbor was at her table, with what looked to be a 14" high stack of notebooks. I figured her out to be a school teacher. I was right. SHE WAS WORKING ON A SATURDAY, CORRECTING 7TH GRADER ESSAYS!!! OMG! ON HER OWN TIME, ON A SATURDAY. SHE TEACHES AT A PUBLIC SCHOOL. SHE IS A MEMBER OF A TEACHERS' UNION! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT???

WE NO LONGER TEACH TO THE TEST, WE TEACH ‘TIL THE TEST

2010-09-23T20:32:00.001-07:00

Last week, the Camp Nickleby staff suffered through yet another mind-numbing exercise in futility, described as Professional Development. Dr. Kim Chee, armed with another of her professionally-produced (and outsourced) PowerPoint presentations, told us (read to us), once again, what lousy teachers we are and why we should all be fired, or at least lose our union affiliation! “You teachers are all so laaaaaazy. You are not good. Arne Duncan doesn’t like you either,” Dr. Chee screamed. Bless her heart.

The main focus of the meeting was to berate us for our abysmal test scores from last spring’s standardized tests. The scores just came out! We were told, once again, that we must raise our scores to acceptable federal levels, or we will be purchased by Bill Gates or Eli Broad, or one of the many other education ‘experts’ circling overhead and, having never taught before, know how it should be done. Bless them

The bright moment of the day came when one of our veteran teachers summed up the current incarnation of school ‘reform’ by stating, “I just teach until they take the tests in April. After April, I don’t care anymore. Nothing matters after the tests.” And that’s where education in the United States has landed, folks. Hope all of the villagers are happy. Blessings be upon us all.

Schools Matter: Students of Nation Unite: Just Say "I Prefer Not T...

2010-09-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

Schools Matter: Students of Nation Unite: Just Say "I Prefer Not T...

I think what I like best about this, besides the fact that it hits at the heart of all the testing bullshit kids have to go through, is the killer Stephen Hawking computer-generated voices!

AAARRRRRRRRR!

2010-09-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

Are ye ready to buckle some swashes? It's International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Unfortunately, TLAPD happens on a Sunday this year. Bummer. The campers won't be able to enjoy my lectures delivered in my best pirateeze.

To help some of you landlubbers enjoy the day, here are Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like A Pirate Day (From the official website. No really, there IS an official TLAPD website.)

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Arrrrrrr!

Schools Matter: Karen Lewis and Lois Weiner on Democracy Now

2010-09-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

Schools Matter: Karen Lewis and Lois Weiner on Democracy Now: "Right-wing = neo-liberal and/or neocon:"

ZU ZU HAD IT ALL WRONG

2010-09-04T12:49:00.000-07:00

I believe that every time a student asks, even though they have been reminded repeatedly, and it has been written on the board ALL WEEK LONG, "whaaahhh, like, uhhhh, I didn't know we were having a test today,' an angel gets its wings!

Yesterday at Camp Nickleby, there were many, many happy angels flying around!

WHAT DO ROOSTERS HAVE TO DO WITH SCHOOL REFORM?

2010-08-27T19:35:00.000-07:00

ALL GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END, I GUESS

2010-08-20T15:10:00.001-07:00

It is with great sadness that I learned of the passing of www.rateyourstudents.blogspot.com, probably one of the funniest blogs dealing with that wonderful profession known as teaching. Although most of the contributors were college instructors and professors, those of us in the high school realm could often times commiserate with what was being put forth. I sure know I could. Stupidity knows no age barriers. It's everywhere.

I'm gonna miss you, rateyourstudents!

Disrespecting Our Beloved Corporations

2010-08-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

Disrespecting Our Beloved Corporations

EDUCATIONAL TOOL FOR THE MONTH OF JULY

2010-07-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

Is there an award for propaganda, similar to the Emmy, the Tony or the Oscar? If so, I think I’ve found this year’s winner, hands down! I received in the mail this past week a brochure from conservative California Assemblywoman Connie Conway. Camp Nickleby exists within the borders of her 34th district. Conway’s brochure deals with, every conservative’s favorite subject, the dismantling of public education.

The brochure contains the usual lunatic, wingnut talking points against those evil, public school teachers and their unions. A questionnaire within asks the reader his or her views on the usual, conservative screeds: student achievement as part of teacher evaluation (check), support of bilingual education (check), lifting the cap on the number of charter schools (check), merit pay for teachers (check) and increasing career technical education (check). This last one, I actually agree with. NOT EVERY KID NEEDS TO GO TO COLLEGE! But I digress . . .

In this slickly-produced brochure, we also learn that the only thing keeping California school children from learning effectively are ‘SPECIAL INTERESTS’! However, nowhere in the brochure do we discover who or what these special interests are, but I think they’re talking about UNIONS! Just my guess.

As an eye-catching visual, a photo of a freshly-scrubbed young woman (presumably a new teacher) is standing with her ‘students’. She is dressed conservatively in something she purchased at weareamish.com or perhaps WalMart. The ‘school’ behind her looks like it was just built, clean, and of course, painted white! Her little third-graders carefully represent every ethnic and perhaps religious belief. Oh wait, I don’t see an Islamic kid. Maybe the little blonde girl converted? The real kicker on this photo is that, while perusing my email yesterday, I clicked on BE A TEACHER and low and behold, there our WASPY young lady was again. This time advertising for an online, YOU TOO CAN BE A TEACHER IN JUST FOUR SHORT WEEKS website. Yeah, I want my kids’ teachers being trained on the Internet! WTF?

Well, I dutifully filled out the questionnaire, complete with snarky comments in the margins, including an invitation to Assemblywoman Conway to visit my classroom when camp resumes in August. I await her reply.

END OF THE SEASON OF THE KVETCH!

2010-06-30T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well, week four into summer vacation is just about over, but it feels sooooooo good! We managed to make it through another year at Camp Nickleby, with the usually amount of year-end kvetching by seniors and parents of seniors. This year, I had a rather large amount of parents coming in, a few days before graduation, wondering why their precious little progeny was flunking an art class, and might not be able to graduate from high school. I explained to mummy that precious flower DIDN’T DO A @#%&ING THING all semester. Of course, precious flower expected to receive a passing grade, using the default reason in matters such as these, “But, I did all my work!” That fact that ‘the work’ was total crap didn’t seem to enter the equation for precious flower. Of course, I buckled and handed out my usual number of Christian-charity D-‘s.

This year, I bought a new addition to my computerized grading program. Most of the little people don’t quite understand the concept of computerized grading. The assume (never a good idea) that when they turn in a project or assignment, sometimes actually on time, that it immediately is reflected on the grade report. I explain to them, once again, that, “no precious flower, I have to somehow find the time to plug it into the computer.

I could see that, three weeks from the end of the semester, a large percentage of the kiddles still didn’t understand what was going on. Seniors who somehow thought they would automatically graduate from high school because they were ‘too gosh darned cute’, probably weren’t unless they started turning stuff in. It was time to use my new weapon against teenage sloth. I activated the FEAR OF GOD feature on my grading system. This feature shows the youngin’, instantly, what their final grade would look like if they didn’t turn stuff in. OMG, it was hilarious. They were running around like little chickens sans heads! There was crying and wailing and much gnashing of teeth. There were, of course, those unmotivateable darlins’ that could care less, and instead decided to ‘kick back’ for the rest of the semester. All in all, the FEAR OF GOD add-on was well worth the $34.99 I paid for it. Available through amazon.com. Check it out.

The Camp is quiet now. Birds are singing in the trees. Plague-infested squirrels can be seen darting from tree to tree. Maintenance workers are attempting to the vast amount of damage that was inflicted on the camps facilities by the little darlins. Can’t wait for the new school year to start. Oh wait, yes I can. And that’s the news from Camp Nickleby, where every youngster enjoys the great outdoors, clean fresh air and daily mountain hikes, and NO CHILD'S LEFT BEHIND!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY 2010

2010-05-09T15:23:00.000-07:00

FRANK ZAPPA on education . . .

Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre educational system. Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and educate yourself if you've got any guts. Some of you like pep rallies and plastic robots who tell you what to read. Forget I mentioned it. This song has no message. Rise for the flag salute.

June 27, 1966: Zappa's liner notes for the album Freak Out! *

* This album, probably more than any other, made me the person I am today!

I SUPPOSE IT IS LIKE TRYING TO TURN YOUR GUITAR AMP TO '11'

2010-05-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

I am always constantly amazed at the inner workings of the teenage mind. This morning, a couple of young ladies from the Camp Nick student council came by and asked if I had a step stool they could borrow for a few minutes. I gladly pointed to 'Old Widowmaker', the clay studio's recently-purchased, 3-step ladder. They looked at it carefully and told me, "Oh no, we are looking for one that only has two steps!"

I suggested that they use ours, but only use the two bottom steps. They looked at each other, then looked at me as if I was a complete moron! They left, continuing their search for that elusive 2-step ladder. Wow!

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO GET THE WEEKEND OFF TO A GOOD START

2010-05-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

Started my day, listening to Democracy Now, as usual. Heard this piece by Juan Gonzalez while diving into my spinach, feta cheese and mushroom omelette at the breakfast table. Yes, I know, it is hard to believe!!!

Big Banks Making a Bundle On New Construction as Schools Bear the Cost

http://www.democracynow.org/2010/5/7/juan_gonzalez_big_banks_making_a

COULD IT BE 'NONE OF THE ABOVE'?

2010-04-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

LIFE IS NOT A MULTIPLE CHOICE TEST!

Yesterday in the art appreciation segment of my show, I was conducting a little review of the kiddies. I, foolishly enough, wanted to see if they remembered anything from what I 'taught' last semester.

I was discussing the Impressionists. We studied, I thought, the Impressionists A LOT!

I asked the little munchkins if they remembered the name of the style which dealt with the painting of light upon a landscape. Anyone, anyone? Finally one brave little snowflake asked, "Mr. Phlegmbaum, could you please put it in A, B, C, D form?" Meaning, they could perhaps have a slight chance of answering the question if they had some choices to pick from.

Yeah, multiple choice tests! They're awesome!

PROUDLY WEARING THEIR RED BADGE OF STOOPID

2010-04-08T11:34:00.000-07:00

Honest to God, I think I’m done. I think I’ve had enough! I’m tired of teaching in STOOPIDISTAN!

I don’t mind the stupid kids who know they’re stupid and are willing to improve. Some even ask for help from time-to-time. It’s the stupid ones who are ACTUALLY PROUD THAT THEY ARE STUPID! They spend their time comparing their stupidity with each other.

“What percentage do you have in algebra?” asks one moron to another.

“Dude, I have a 33%!” replies the other moron.

“That’s nothing, bro (they always call each other ‘bro’ or ‘dude’), I currently have a 27%!”

“Dude, that’s awesome. You win!”

And then there’s the pure, destructive power of a class full of high schoolers! If Obama wants to win in Afghanistan, forget the drones killing innocent children. Just parachute about 400 freshmen in. The Taliban will be heading for the hills in a matter of minutes!

I’ve gotta find another job. And quickly! Maybe Wal-Mart? Yeah, Wal-Mart! Doing something I could actually be proud of doing. I just hope some basketball player in Washington doesn’t tell me how to do my job there.

WE ARE SHOCKED, REALLY SHOCKED!

2010-03-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

According to the Hog Lick Corners Advertiser/Gazette, State Sen. Roy Ashburn (R-Calif.), was pulled over early last Wednesday morning and arrested for drunk driving. Buried at the end of the article was a brief mention that sources reported Ashburn, a fierce opponent of gay rights, was driving drunk after leaving a gay nightclub!

Senator Ashburn, a divorced father of four and strong family-values kinda guy, is a strong supporter of Camp Nickleby. He supports our low-paid, non-union staff and our commitment to shoving mindless worksheets into the hands of our campers.

Last spring, he came to present a lesson during our annual ‘Anybody Can Be A Teacher’ day. He presented a sewing demonstration in our Home Economics department, creating a lovely taffeta skirt in under ten minutes, using a Bernina 1008 machine. Senior Muntheenia Dwelb recalls Senator Ashburn’s visit. “The skirt he made was, like, totally awesome, but the guy kinda creeped me out. I mean, dude, he really liked my new pair of espadrilles and kept asking me where I got them and how much they cost.” stated Ms. Dwelb.

Ashburn has issued an apology for the incident: "I am deeply sorry for my actions and offer no excuse for my poor judgment. I accept complete responsibility for my conduct and am prepared to accept the consequences for what I did. I am also truly sorry for the impact this incident will have on those who support and trust me - my family, my constituents, my friends, and my colleagues in the Senate." There was no word whether the former Mrs. Ashburn was at his side during his apology.

Senator Ashburn eventually admitted that he is, in fact, gay! Billy Bob Norkle, president of the Camp Nickleby Young Republicans club, was beside himself with grief. "I just can't believe this about Senator Ashburn. This is really a hard one for me to swallow."

CAREER COUNSELING FROM A 15-YEAR-OLD!

2010-03-05T08:35:00.000-08:00

Well, one more week, and the campers are out for spring break. The counselors here have noticed, for the past few weeks, that what look to be potential breeding pairs have been forming amongst the youngins, getting ready for a week of unsupervised glee in the woods.

As the break approaches, I was given something to ponder during my time away from camp. At the end of my third period Art Foundations class, while I was trying to get the little Rembrandts to actually try to clean up their messes, one of my little sophomores asked me, “So, Mr. Knurlman, do you really like teaching? And why do you do it?”

A fair question, I thought. I replied, “I just get a kick out of shaping the future generations of America!” Yeah, right.

My little sophomore opined, “You know, if, like I had to do your job to earn a living, I’d kill myself!”

On the drive home last night, as I was watching a large BNSF freight locomotive coming closer to the railroad crossing I was stopped at, I thought . . .

IT SOUNDS SO SIMPLE

2010-02-20T09:43:00.001-08:00

It's all those damn lazy teachers' fault!

STILL WAITING FOR HOPE AND CHANGE?

2010-02-18T08:25:00.000-08:00

I went down to Cedarville over the weekend to pick up some provisions. While driving around, I noticed this poor schmuck standing on a corner, panhandling. Apparently Obama’s stimulus bucks haven’t reached this guy yet. It is always heart-rending to see somebody facing hard times, but it is even more troubling to witness somebody this down on his luck. Feeling sorry for him, I gave him a few bucks, and a Camp Nickleby application. I hope he finds something more rewarding than teaching. Cleaning toilets at the ballpark perhaps or working at a slaughter house.

WHAT'S FOR LUNCH?

2010-02-12T11:08:00.000-08:00

Well, Camp is out for a couple of days. Four-day weekend for President's Day (woo, woo!) I feel a little bit guilty because I know people in the real world might only get Monday off work. Yet another reason to hate us librul public school teachers. Suck it!

On my way down the mountain, I saw this sign advertising a new fast-food marvel, and I just had to try it!

Wow, you could really taste that basket!

If only it had some kale on it!

THE ERA OF MAGICAL THINKING CONTINUES

2010-02-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

IT’S ALIVE!!!

I kinda feel sorry for all of the teachers out there who voted for the Big O, thinking that he would trash Bush’s War on Teacherism. But no, that doesn’t seem to be the case. With Field Marshall Duncan at his side, the POTUS is just going to push through the same garbage in a bright and shiny new package. Some of the words may be different, but it’s gonna be the SOS boys and girls.

A recent article concerning the proposed changes to No Child Left Behind pretty much spells it out for us. In the article, it is stated that Field Marshall Duncan foreshadowed the elimination of the 2014 100% proficiency deadline in a September speech, referring to it as a “utopian goal,” and administration officials have since made clear that they want the deadline eliminated. (OK, so far, so good)

The Dunc’s new goal, which would replace the 2014 universal proficiency deadline, would be for ALL students to leave high school “college or career ready.” (Huh? Doesn’t 100% mean ALL? Or am I just a home-schooled moron? And what exactly does college or career ready mean?)

One of the main components of the Dunc’s overhaul of education, known as The Race off the Road into the Ditch, is tying teacher pay with student performance on the lovely tests they take in the spring. This assumes that the kids actually care about their performance on the tests. They don’t. They have absolutely no buy-in on these tests. It doesn’t affect their GPA, graduation or college admissions. Good system to evaluate teachers by, no?

Once again, we have ‘experts’ outside of the field of education who have never taught and have no idea what it’s like to work with the youngins on a daily basis. But they know how it should be done. It all requires magical thinking.

And then there’s this delusional thinking from the great state of Wyoming. At least one of the comment letters to this piece got it right!

" I agree with accountability and competitiveness, but as it is right now students' test scores are not tied to graduation nor promotion. Students are fully aware of this and blow off the tests opting to 'just get it done with 'cause its a waste of their time and it doesn't matter anyway.' Is it fair to tie teacher pay to student performance when students aren't even held accountable to it? I would love to see the editors of this paper actually go into a classroom and teach for a year. When students do not want to learn is it all the teachers' fault? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. How about student accountability for a change? "

TEST 'EM 'TIL THEY CRY?

2010-02-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

The state-sanctioned form of child abuse known as the California High School Exit Exam (CAHSEE) has started this week at Camp Nickleby. Yesterday was devoted to filling in bubbles on the English portion. Today, the campers will be filling in bubbles on the math portion of the test.

It is generally agreed that this test proves nothing. Kids pass it and still are not able to write or crunch numbers as well as Bill Gates or members of the Business Roundtable believe they should. It only measures what they know in the middle of their sophomore year. High schools, however, are judged failures if the kiddies do poorly on stuff they should have learned in middle school. The passing percentage is around 55%, which is considered failing on any other test given during the school year. It all makes so much sense to me.

Yesterday, I noticed one of my sophomore kids crying. He struggles with autism, but is an incredibly accomplished artist. What he can do with a No. 2 pencil is amazing. I am envious of his work! I asked him why he was crying and he simply said, “I took the CAHSEE today!”

Why is this not considered child abuse and punishable by law?

THAT'S IT! I'M SO TOTALLY SWITCHING TO KPFA!

2010-01-29T13:04:00.000-08:00

I usually start my day getting ready for another fun adventure at Camp Nickleby by listening to Morning Edition on quasi-liberal National Public Radio. Thursday morning, while listening to a report on the Sundance Film Festival, I almost kicked a whole through one of my vintage JBL L100 studio monitors!

Lisa Kennedy, a film critic for The Denver Post, offered a review of this year's Sundance Film Festival. Here is what she had to say about the latest, anti-public school propaganda from the lunatics on the right.

“The other film that I really loved was Davis Guggenheim's "Waiting for Superman," which is about the sort of disaster of our public education system (huh?). And I think one of the amazing things about this film is that he followed five children who wind up in five various lotteries for charter schools. And by the time you get to the lottery, if you aren't a parent, you feel like a parent, and if you are a parent, you feel like these are your children.

And it is so unnerving watching any of these children wait to find out whether they're going to be saved from their failing schools and afforded an opportunity for a great school (huh?), and I think it's such a great articulation of the unfairness of where our public education system is right now. It's a really good film.”

Good job, Lisa! Yeah, just use the same, unquantified rhetoric that the wingnuts use. Where did you study journalism, in a Cracker Jacks box?

REALLY? NO, REALLY?

2010-01-27T06:38:00.000-08:00

More proof that we truly have become a nation of morons!

http://publicpolicypolling.blogspot.com/2010/01/fox-leads-for-trust.html

And a staff member of ACORN really thought this loon was a PIMP? REALLY?

NEW ADDITION TO OUR CAMP LIBRARY

2010-01-26T10:48:00.000-08:00

With some of our stimulus money, our librarian was able to purchase some new books!

Thanks to Jesus' General blog!!! Bless you!!!

BOOK REVIEW

2010-01-25T06:41:00.000-08:00

Received this book as a Christmas gift and have finally found the time to sit down and start reading it. Book review to follow this week!

Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer

2010-01-21T13:07:00.000-08:00

Nothing warms the heart of a teacher more than when asking a tardy student why he is late to class, he responds with the answer, "I was talking to my parole officer!" Happened to me this morning. Just a nice warm and fuzzy to start the day.

I have also noticed the proliferation of IN LOVING MEMORY OF . . . t-shirts being worn by the little darlins, as they exit their family's IN LOVING MEMORY OF . . . SUVs. Usually, these become quite ubiquitous at the camp during the spring semester, especially after Easter break, when many of the darlins' poor driving, not to mention poor drinking skills, become apparent.

Can't wait to get back to camp

2010-01-10T19:24:00.000-08:00

After three weeks off for winter (Christmas?) break, it is time to put the shoulder to the grindstone again. I spent my last day of freedom grading a stack of student work! What fun, and I still have a load to finish up before Tuesday night at 11:59 p.m. Not sure why, but I looked at my emails and found this lovely.

Indiana Board Approves New Teacher Licensing Rules.

The AP (1/7, Martin) reported that the Indiana panel "overseeing teacher licensing has approved new rules Indiana's state superintendent says will allow future educators to spend less time learning how to teach and more time focused on subject matter*. The Division of Professional Standards Advisory Board on Thursday approved the proposal, which had drawn sharp opposition from universities and others who said Superintendent Tony Bennett shouldn't dictate college curriculums." The "rule approved Thursday allows students who want to be high school teachers to major in secondary education, but only if a college's secondary education program meets or exceeds the content requirements of a specific subject major, such as math or physics."

*Yeah, why the hell would we want teachers to know 'how' to teach. Hell, anybody can teach! It's easy. As long as they know the subject matter, right? Hmmmmmm, not so much. I've run into a bunch of brainiacs who know their stuff, but can't teach a kid with a learning disability if their lives depended on it. Gawd, it just gets better and better, don't it? Thanks YHWH I don't work in Indiana.

SOME HAPPY READING FOR A MONDAY . . .

2009-12-07T09:03:00.000-08:00

Came across this while eating my steel-cut oats this morning. Ya gotta check it out. Really explains what has happened to this 'beacon on the hill."

http://michaelklonsky.blogspot.com/2009/12/right-wing-goes-bananas-over-social.html

A MUST READ . . .

2009-11-30T12:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/addicted_to_nonsense_20091129/

I'M HEADIN' FOR BORDERS RIGHT NOW!

2009-11-17T07:51:00.000-08:00

Found this in my inbox from Borders this morning.

ALREADY??? Jeez, didn't the thing go on sale last week?

Sarah, Sarah, I implore you, PLEASE STFU!!!

PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, BUT . . .

2009-11-15T11:11:00.000-08:00

Listened to a great show this morning on KPFA.org. Doug Henwood's Behind the News show had Monty Neil (sp?) of fairtest.org talking about the RTTT b.s. and the greater charter school scam. Wish I could provide a link to it, but I was home schooled and we only had a TRS 80 to use! Worth the search, though.

RUNNING A SCHOOL LIKE A BUSINESS?

2009-11-14T09:28:00.001-08:00

The rush to privatize everything in this country continues. Every day, some Business Roundtable lunatic or U.S. Chamber of Commerce douche bag screams in the media that business practices should be applied to schools to make them more ‘efficient’. Yeah, like that’s the answer to the ‘problem’ of public schools. When I hear these loons, several words come to mind: Enron, General Motors, Lehman Brothers, and on and on.

Once again, I was confronted with ‘the business model’ in action. I made the mistake of going to the Lowe’s down in Hog Lick Corners last Tuesday. I was in search of a pendant light for my dining room. You know, getting the new place ready for the holidays. Normally, I avoid the big-box stores. I am always amazed at the policy of absolutely no eye contact, and their ability stay at least 30 feet back from their customers. But, oh well . . . anyway.

I started by searching their website, so I knew they had just what I was looking for. I found what I wanted on their shelves and proceeded to the checkout line. Eschewing their wonderful SELF CHECK OUT registers, which NEVER WORK, I actually found a cash register with an actual, live human being working at it! I couldn’t believe my luck. Heck, I’ll be out of this store and back home to install my new festive holiday lighting thingy. WRONG! The light cord (sold separately) rang up without a hitch. Then came the blown glass fixture (on CLEARANCE for $10.98). Of course, there was no bar code on the thing. This brought the entire transaction to a complete halt! I politely told Hortencia, the clerk, that the glass shade was ON CLEARANCE FOR $10.98! That didn’t work. She did not believe me. She called up an ‘expert’ in the lighting dept. She asked Skippy to do a price check. I made it known to Hortencia that I was in somewhat of a hurry, and I would like to get back home! Again I told Hortencia that I was positive the glass was ON CLEARANCE FOR $10.98! Still no response, just that far-off, ‘I hope my date tonight with Zach is gonna be fun’ look in her eyes. After about three minutes of waiting, I just said @$%& it, and left. Hortencia, having another out-of-body experience, didn’t blink an eye. Apparently this is the normal way of doing business at Lowe’s. I’m never going back.

YEAH, LET’S RUN PUBLIC SCHOOLS LIKE BUSINESSES. THAT’S THE TICKET, ARNE!

WHY IS MY PAYCHECK LESS THIS MONTH?

2009-11-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

I figured, “Hey, why try to re-invent the wheel, right?” I came across this on Huffington Post yesterday. It is basically the snarky, smart-ass essay I’ve had in rough-draft form for about eight months now. Well played, Mr. Danzinger!

I AM SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, JUST SHOCKED!

2009-11-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

This came from the NEA Morning Update thing

Study Shows Merit Pay In Texas Did Not Boost Student Achievement.

The Dallas Morning News (11/4, Stutz) reports that "for the $300 million spent on merit pay for teachers over the last three years, Texas was hoping for a big boost in student achievement. But it didn't happen with the now-defunct" Texas Educator Excellence Grant (TEEG), "according to experts hired by the state." Researchers from Texas A&M University, Vanderbilt University, and the University of Missouri studied "flaws in the way the program was designed and did not conclude whether merit pay for teachers in general is a good idea." However, they did say, "There is no systematic evidence that TEEG had an impact on student achievement gains" in Texas. The Dallas Morning News notes that TEEG, "which provided incentive pay for teachers at about 1,000 campuses a year in lower-income neighborhoods, was discontinued by the Legislature after the 2008-09 school year because of design problems."

IF THEY WANT TO GET SERIOUS ABOUT PUNISHING TEACHERS FOR THE DISMAL SCORES OF THEIR STUDENTS, WHO DON'T REALLY GIVE A RIP ABOUT THE TESTS, THEN IT IS TIME TO TIE TEST SCORES WITH THE LITTLE DARLINS' GPA AND GRADUATION REQUIREMENTS! PERIOD! THIS, OF COURSE, WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

WE WILL MISS YOU, MR. BUFFALO

2009-11-02T19:52:00.000-08:00

Damn! Norton Buffalo is gone! We here at the Camp are grieving again! Buffalo was just such a killer harmonica player and musician. I have a bunch of stuff of his on VINYL!!! And it's still PLAYABLE!!! Got one on the turntable now, sipping on a glass of 2006 Sebastiani Zinfandel to pay my respects. I grabbed this from the sonomanews.com.

Sonoma Valley lost one of its favorite sons on Friday, Oct. 30, when music legend and harmonica virtuoso Norton Buffalo passed away after a brief bout with cancer. According to Michael Hinton, a friend and music associate since 1973, Buffalo was surrounded by family and friends when he slipped into a coma and passed away, with his wife, Lisa Flores, by his side.

Born in Oakland on Sept. 28, 1951, Buffalo spent a good portion of his life living in Sonoma Valley, where he wrote and recorded his first album for Capitol Records in the mid-1970s, "Loving in the Valley of the Moon." Buffalo was a music legend in Sonoma Valley and in the world beyond, spending 32 years as the harmonica player for the Steve Miller Band, his own band, the Knockouts, and with a wide range of musicians, including Roy Rogers, Bonnie Raitt, members of the Grateful Dead, Doobie Brothers and Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen. Buffalo also acted and was the harmonica player for Bette Midler in the film "The Rose."

NORTON BUFFALO, Rest in Peace!

MAY I HAVE A SIDE OF COLD SLAW WITH THAT, PLEASE?

2009-10-28T13:00:00.001-07:00

WE LIKE SRIMP. WE LIKE CAJUN SRIMP, FRIED SRIMP, BARBEQUED SRIMP . . .

The staff here at Camp Nickleby always wonders what happens to our graduates. Well, we now know where last year’s valedictorian ended up. Bethalynda Gurd, Class of 2009, managed to get hired on at the local purveyor of breaded and fried protein down in Hog Lick Corners. And of course, being one of Camp Nickleby’s exemplary spellers, she was immediately put in charge of the reader board outside of the ‘restaurant’. As you can see, she has a rather intuitive approach to spelling. Also notice the inventive use of the number 7 and giving double duty to the letter ‘W’. Most people would not have those important outside-of-the-box problem-solving skills so important with American businesses today.

Good on ya, Bethalynda! We are so proud of you!

SO LONG SOUPY SALES

2009-10-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

We heard that Soupy Sales died last Thursday. The Camp is in mourning. When I was a kid, I don't think I missed one of his shows! I ran home from school everyday and plopped myself in front of the TV. Couldn't wait to see what White Fang was going to do on any given day. Soupy, and for that matter, The Three Stooges, made me the person I am today!

MEET OUR NEW YOGA AND PILATES INSTRUCTOR!

2009-10-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

Superintendent Kim Chee has been ragging on many of our staff members recently, claiming that we are out of shape. The nerve! She says we need to lose some weight and look more ‘professional’. WTF? To achieve her goal, she thought it would be a good idea to hire a staff Yoga and Pilates instructor. Yippee! Meet Duane ‘Moondawg’ Thudwiemer, our new Yoga and Pilates teacher. In addition to trying to get our counseling staff in shape, Duane will also be teaching classes in our P.E. department. We wish him luck.

To better introduce Duane to our loyal readers, here is a video of one of his yoga sessions, which he supplied to the interviewing committee last month. Please notice that Duane utilizes many of the classic yoga poses while attempting to purchase a large quantity of brewed adult beverage. Duane starts his routine with the Adho Mukha Svanasana or Downward Facing Dog, and then seamlessly flows into the Bhujangasana or Cobra. Next, watch as Duane utilizes the Uttanasana II or Forward Bend, then immediately segues into a perfectly-executed Trikonasana or Triangle pose. To culminate this perfect routine, Duane executes what could possibly be his finest move, the Savasana or Corpse pose.

Duane is a product of one of those new Teaching Credential mills we’ve been reading about. His training lasted a total of five weeks! We are expecting great thing from him. And no, we have no idea why his nickname is Moondawg!

TEST-TAKING TIPS FROM THE BRANIACS

2009-10-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m a used-book-store junkie (but in a good way). I like the smell of musty books, I like the fringe clientele, and of course I like the decaying ambiance. My latest find is, To Open Minds, by multiple-intelligences guru Howard Gardner. The subtitle, Chinese Clues to the Dilemma of Contemporary Education, reeled me in and shuttled me to the bookstore cashier. Although written 20 years ago, Gardner discusses the same school reform crap that we are going through now, only the names are different. I’m sure Arne, Newt and Al all have a dog-eared copy of this book on their nightstands. As I was perusing through the pages, I came upon this passage concerning test-taking, with a little bonus by William F. Buckley, thrown in for good measure.

Always a good test taker in school, I had found the Stevens Battery easy enough. My test-taking prowess was to continue when I took standardized tests in high school and college: I had whatever knack it takes to pick out the best answer from a set of four or five. The columnist William F. Buckley has aptly indicated that his own skill at such tests involved not figuring out the correct answer in any absolute sense, but rather figuring out “which was the answer the examiners probably desired me to give.” According to my own analysis, test taking assesses chiefly linguistic and logical intelligence, with some bonus points for speed, flexibility, and superficiality.

OCTOBER'S EDUCATIONAL 'TOOL' OF THE MONTH

2009-10-19T06:26:00.001-07:00

When I woke up Sunday morning, I was hoping there was something in the Cedarville Gazette that would make me come to camp this morning. Something to inspire me to teach. Something that would validate me as a teacher and a human being. And there it was! Nicholas D. Kristof, of the New York Times, has all the answers! In a recent opinion column, Kristof suggests that ‘good’ teachers and a ‘good’ education will bring America out of poverty! In his column, he states:

Good schools constitute a far more potent weapon against poverty than welfare, food stamps or housing subsidies. Yet, cowed by teachers' unions, Democrats have too often resisted reform and stood by as generations of disadvantaged children have been cemented into an underclass by third-rate schools.

See? Teachers have the power to end poverty and hunger in the United States, if only we didn’t have those damn unions, and if we were willing to do it all for minimum wage! Thank you, Mr. Kristof, for setting us straight. What a tool!

And here is some interesting night reading that I found on crooksandliars.com today.

EARTH SHIFTS AXIS THIRTY DEGREES!

2009-10-16T13:06:00.001-07:00

You might have missed this story in the MSM from last week, but apparently there was a moratorium on public school bashing by the wingnut punditry, causing the earth to shift on its axis by thirty degrees! This shift lasted for seventeen minutes. During this time, Vladivostok replaced the North Pole. This lapse in conservative invectives against public education and for union busting school reforms was brought about by President Obama receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, which caused many of the lunatics on the right to get their panties all in a bunch. They were so busy foaming at the mouth over Obama’s prize that they forgot to hammer away at public schools.

The likes of Ruben Navarette, Jr., Jonah Goldberg (former 101st Fighting Keyboarder), David Brooks and even Mortimer Zuckerman of U.S. News and World Report took their collective eyes off the prize. During those brief seventeen minutes, we in public education breathed a sigh of relief, but actually weren’t quite sure what to do in the classroom without some ‘expert’ telling us how to do our job.

YEP, I'D SAY IT'S WORKIN' REAL GOOOOOOOD!

2009-10-15T10:31:00.000-07:00

The New York Times (10/15, A18, Dillon) reports that new National Assessment of Educational Progress math scores "show that student achievement grew faster during the years before [NCLB], when states were dominant in education policy, than over the years since, when the federal law has become a powerful force in classrooms." According to the Times, NAEP scores "increased only marginally for eighth graders and not at all for fourth graders, continuing a sluggish six-year trend of slowing achievement growth since passage" of NCLB, "which requires schools to bring 100 percent of students to reading and math proficiency by 2014." The New York Times (10/15, A1, Medina) reports in a separate story on its front page, "New York State's fourth and eighth graders made no notable progress" on NAEP "math exams this year, according to test scores released on Wednesday, sharply contradicting the results of state-administered tests that showed record gains."

NCLB, THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING. THANKS, GEORGE!

DAMN, NOT EVEN IN THE TOP 100

2009-10-13T15:37:00.001-07:00

Well, I’m just a little bit bummed. After the campers headed back to their cabins today once classes were over, I shuffled over to Spellings Hall, to maybe get the last cup of simmering, afternoon coffee and put my feet up before I headed home.

On the table was a copy of the latest issue of Money magazine. And in it was an article, listing the 100 Best Jobs in America, according to them. Well, I couldn’t wait to see where public school teacher ranked on the list. I searched the list for ‘high school teacher’. Nothing. I searched for ‘public school teacher’. Nothing. I searched for ‘miracle worker’. Nothing. I even searched for ‘pathetic, delusional sucker’. Still nothing.

I thought for sure the noble profession of public school teacher would rank, oh I don’t know, at least 99, maybe even as high as 95. I feel so dirty.

AND THE TROPHY GOES TO . . .

2009-10-06T12:53:00.001-07:00

We started a new project in 3D Design today. The kiddies are to create a new sport and then make a trophy or award for it. Because of my many years of MUMBO JUMBO instruction, I know how important the anticipatory set is when introducing a new lesson. I showed several slides of famous awards and trophies (Oscar, Americas Cup, Heismann, etc.). When I came to the Davis Cup, I asked if anybody knew what sport this trophy was for. I timid and hesitant reply came from the back of the room. "Cake decorating?" was the response.

Come to think of it, that makes a load of sense!

OTHER GENDER?

2009-10-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

Last night, as I was filling out my KPFA membership survey, I came across this section! I laughed so hard, I almost dropped my glass of 2006 Australian Shiraz. Last time I checked, there were only TWO GENDERS! What could possibly be considered an ‘OTHER’?

Questions, questions, they’ve got questions!

2009-10-02T13:04:00.001-07:00

At the end of every lecture, I hesitantly ask a class, “Any questions?” Usually I receive the glazed looked, signally the fact that they had absolutely no interest in the last fifteen minutes of their life in the classroom. Occasionally, there is the classroom smart-ass who comes up with a question that only he and his minions they is absolutely hilarious. Then I received yesterday’s question.

“Teacher, what’s a yeast infection,” a young lady asked me, her table-mates snickering underneath their breath. Considering that the art lecture preceding this little gem was on color theory, I was hard-pressed to find a connection between the two. Not wanting to fall into her trap and remembering that I forgot to go to medical school, I came up with the only safe answer I could think of. “It is an accident that happens in a bakery,” I proclaimed, dodging another sticky situation.

I’m really looking forward to the weekend.

ANOTHER LUNATIC EXPLAINS IT TO US

2009-09-20T14:29:00.000-07:00

Most of us in the teaching biz understand that NCLB is nothing more than a thinly-veiled attack on public education or education in general, no matter what the grade, in this country of morons we live in. When one reads that only 39% of the population believes in Darwin’s theory, and the rest believe dinosaurs were on Noah’s big ship, we are in big trouble. The rest of the world must be laughing their collective asses off at us.

My take is that the right-wing lunatics are still pretty much in control, no matter who is in the White House. The march to the middle ages continues. The powers that be continue their plan to create a generation of docile, gullible working class workers, willing to take any scraps that are thrown at them.

I found this gem of an article in the New York Times, written by the appropriately-named Dick Morris, former confidant to the Clintons, and now yet another lunatic, right-wing, overpaid talking head on Fox News. Yeah, Dick, you have all the answers. Blame it on the @%&*ing liberal, bleeding-heart professors. Teachers of all grade levels just make too damn much money!!! Why can’t everybody in the teaching profession be happy working for minimum wage?

ANOTHER HEARTWARMING STORY

2009-09-16T13:01:00.001-07:00

Every now and then, in this crazy business, something comes along that just makes you proud to be alive. I had that type of experience this morning.

During studio time in my ceramics class, I noticed 'Robert' working diligently on his coil project. Perhaps a vase for flowers? I asked him what he was making and he said, "It's a present for my mom." I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

NEW COMEDY DUO CURRENTLY ON TOUR

2009-09-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

Not since Laurel and Hardy, Martin and Lewis or even Reiner and Brooks have I been so entertained by a comedy act. Listening to NPR last Saturday morning, host Scott Simon was interviewing the new comedy team of Gingrich and Sharpton. Never have I laughed so hard. In fact, I laughed so forcefully, I blew approximately three ounces of steel-cut oats out of my nostrils! This dynamic comedy duo is currently on a 50-state tour of the United States to promote their innovative ideas concerning public education. And their innovative ideas consist of MORE CHARTER SCHOOLS! Yep, that's the ticket. Just watch those test scores rise with each new charter school founded.

Let’s review, shall we, what fine gentlemen these two are, not to mention experts on public education.

Being a family-values kind of Republican, Gingrich has been married three times. He married Jackie Battley, his former high school geometry teacher, when he was 19 years old! (I wonder what he got on the SAT) She was seven years his senior! They divorced in 1981. Jackie Battley Gingrich was wife No. 2 and supported him through graduate school and two unsuccessful congressional campaigns. She had undergone uterine cancer surgery during the successful 1978 campaign. Eighteen months later, they separated. While in the hospital recovering from another uterine operation, according to the legend of Newt Gingrich, he visited his wife in the hospital with a list of things on how the divorce was going to be handled. He wanted her to sign it. She was still recovering from surgery! Nice guy!

In 1981, six months after his divorce was final, Gingrich wed Marianne Ginther. He remained married to Ginther until 2000, when they divorced. Shortly thereafter, Gingrich then married Callista Bisek, with whom he was conducting an extra-marital affair at approximately the same time he was leading the Congressional investigation into allegations that Bill Clinton lied under oath about his affair with Monica Lewinsky You could not make this stuff up!

Al Sharpton is a former boy preacher (oh, good!). But he was caught on an FBI surveillance tape discussing a cocaine Deal. The television show HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel showed a 1983 FBI videotape in which Al Sharpton is seen talking about laundering drug money with former mobster Michael Franzese, a Mafioso-turned-undercover-FBI informant posing as a cocaine dealer. Now, to be fair, no indictments were issued and the sting operation was never completed. Sharpton got into this mess through his friendship with boxing promoter Don King, a longtime friend of his. Oh yeah, and there’s that whole Tawana Brawley thing, but we don’t wanna go there, do we?

I JUST THANK JEEBUS EVERY DAY FOR EXPERTS TO TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB!

I found the above graphic on somebody's blog and loved it. Hope I don't get busted for it!