Wintertime at Camp Nickleby

Well, the end of fall semester is upon us here at Camp Nickleby. A light dusting of snow covers the ground. The campers are taking their last finals today. Most have already packed up their stuff and are ready to get out of here for three weeks. Parents will be coming up this afternoon to pick up their little darlins.

As usual, most of them have waited ‘til the last minute to turn work in. Even though the deadline to turn in work was last Friday, they try to slip their work in under the radar. Over much wailing and gnashing of teeth, I have to let them know that ‘the train has left the station’ and they can round-file their work in the trash.

Christmas celebrations here at camp were somewhat subdued this year. Superintendent Kim Chee sent out a memo two weeks ago concerning upcoming budget cuts. It doesn’t look good for next year. One of the first things to go this year was our yearly Holiday Decoration Fund. If we wanted to decorate our rooms with yuletide flair, it was going to come out of our own pockets! Not having much extra coinage in my pockets, I did the best I could. I went in to Cedarville last week and purchased this second-hand decoration at the Salvation Army thrift store. It was a bargain at $2.99! I told the campers that is was truly the ‘first no-L’! They didn’t get it.

And in the Hey Barack, WTF? category, most of the staff here who supported him for POTUS are wandering aimlessly around camp, shaking their heads. First, the nomination of Arne (close them schools) Duncan for Secretary of Ed, and now choosing Rick Warren to give the invocation on 1/20/09? Coach Shrewsbury has been walking around the last couple of days with a big grin on his face, carrying his autographed and dog-eared copy of Warren’s A Purpose-Driven Life. Can't wait to see what happens next.

And that’s the news from Camp Nickleby, where every youngster enjoys the great outdoors, clean fresh air and daily mountain hikes, where NO CHILD'S LEFT BEHIND!

Change?

Hmmmmmmmmm, maybe not so much.

Well, Barack picked his Secretary of Education. Wow, another non-educator telling educators how to do their job. Why did we even think things would be better? Greg Palast has a great article here to clue you in on what’s to come. God help us all!

Protractor Origami

While I encourage my students to use non-traditional materials in making art, sometimes you just have to wonder what goes on in their little minds. I get the feeling that some of them come in the classroom, look around, and try to figure out what they can destroy or screw up that day. Yesterday, while putting some art supplies away, I can across these poor, defenseless little protractors. I’m sure they weren’t hurting anybody. Just minding their business. Helping students figure out angles on their color wheels and such. And then, tragedy struck! One of the little darlins’ thought it would be hilarious to see what would happen if you combined an aluminum protractor with a bench vise. And voila, this is what you get!

When purchasing art supplies and equipment, I attempt to buy those products that have been thoroughly tested in a cage full of bonobos. Apparently, these did not receive the Bonobo Seal of Approval.

They should know how to take a test by now, right?

These are some of the more remarkable results from a Diego Rivera test I gave last Monday. Out of 80 tests given, about 10% got No. 9 wrong. How is this possible? Did I not give them enough of a clue? Seven years of teaching kids test-taking skills, and still they haven't figured out the game.

Oh yeah, and I was wrong about the election! Now we wait. Coach Shrewsbury, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, is finally getting use to having a democrat in the white house. This should be fun.

She ain’t singin’ yet!

Twenty months. Well worth the wait. Today’s the day. Will the Democrats continue their time-honored tradition of snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory? Will Obama become the new POTUS? I’m thinking the whole thing is going to crumble at the last minute. Ooooooooooooooooooooo, beware of the Bradley Effect. Will they really vote Obama after waiting in line eight hours? Are the polls really indicative of how people are going to vote? I don’t know, I want to feel optimistic, but something just doesn’t feel right.

I’m reminded of the Dead Kennedy’s remake of the old Phil Ochs song, Love me, I’m a liberal. Used here without an ounce of permission from either Jello Biafra or the late Phil Ochs.

Love Me I'm a Liberal

I cried when they shot John Lennon
Tears ran down my spine
And I cried when I saw "JFK"
As if I'd lost a father of mine
But Malcom-X and Ice-T had it coming
They got what they asked for this time

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

I go to pro-choice rallies
Recycle my cans and jars
I'll honk if you love the Dead
Hope those funny Grunge bands become stars
But don't talk about revolution
That's going a little bit to far

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

I cheered when Clinton was chosen
My faith in the system reborn
I'll do anything to save our schools
If my taxes aint too much more
And I love Blacks and Gays and Latinos
As long as they don't move next door

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

Rush Limbaugh and the L.A.P.D.
Should all hang thier heads in shame
I can't understand where they're at
Arsenio should set them straight
But if neighborhood watch doesn't know you
I hope the cops take your name

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

Yeah, I read the New Republican
Rolling Stone and Mother Jones too
If I vote it's a democrat
With a sensible economy view
But when it comes to terrorist Arabs
There is no one more red, white, and blue

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

Once I was young and had an attitude
Stickers covered the car I drove in
Even went on some direct actions
When there weren't rent-a-cops to be seen
Ah, but now I've grown older and wiser
And that's why I'm turning you in

Chorus:
So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

VOTE, JUST VOTE!

How to tell a Marxist from a fabric swatch

Teaching high school is its own reward sometimes. Actually, more times than I'd like to think about.

During today's art lecture, a photo of Groucho Marx justaposed with a photo of John Lennon was shown to the kiddies during drawing class. I asked if anyone got the joke. Anyone? Anyone? Of course, nobody knew what the hell I was talking about. Most of the kids did know who John Lennon was. That Groucho guy? Forget it. I explained who he was. Blank stares. Then I explained the joke; Marx and Lennon, Karl Marx and V.I. Lenin. Blank stares continued. I asked if anyone knew who Karl Marx was. Anyone? Communist Manifesto? Anyone? Did anyone know who Lenin was. Anyone? One brave soul offered, "Isn't it a kind of fabric?" A home economics major, no doubt. You just have to wonder how they have gotten this far with so little.

Home schooled perhaps?

Coach Shrewsbury received a letter from Sarah Palin yesterday. He was so excited that she took the time out of her busy schedule criss-crossing the United States, spreading her message of the eminent communist takeover of this country, to personally write him a letter, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was a mass-mailed form letter, and her signature was actually printed on the page. He was beside himself with glee and just had to show the letter to me. In about two nanoseconds of proofreading, I noticed that the FIRST WORD in the letter was misspelled. How in the hell is it possible, in the 21st century, to misspell the word WEDNESDAY??? Those little red squiggly lines MEAN SOMETHING people! How is it possible, in the 21st century, can you own a computer without SPELLCHECK??? This letter was sent out by the Republican National Committee. WTF, are they still using Trash 80s over there? Margaret Spellings, please proofread their stuff for them! THIS IS JUST SUCH A MAJOR FAIL!

Which naturally brings me to this . . .

Sarah Palin was seated next to little Johnny on an airplane trip back to Washington.

She turned to little Johnny and said 'Let's talk. I've heard that the flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly and said to The Palin, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said The Palin. 'How About What Changes I Should Help Make to America'? and she smiles.

'OK,' little Johnny says. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

Palin, visibly surprised by little Johnny's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which little Johnny replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to help change America when you don't know SHIT ?'