During this past week, when all of the campers were safe and sound in their cabins, some members of the staff here at Camp Nickleby gathered in front of the Sanyo big-screen TV in Spellings Hall to watch the Republican National Convention. We suffered through the Democrats last week. We thought we'd double up the pain. What the hell.
Using footage of the terror of the World Trade Center attacks was a real nice touch, wasn't it? Do they have no shame?
Was it just me, or did anyone get the feeling Tuesday night that Laura Bush was blinking, "HELP ME, PLEASE GOD, HELP ME" in Morse Code during her inspiring speech? Or was that just the Gewürztraminer talking?
And did you know that John McCain was a prisoner of war during the Vietnam 'conflict'?
The speech of über-weasel Joe Lieberman was definitely a high point of the convention, ending with the from-below shot looking up at him with a super large American flag waving in the background. I got so excited I soiled myself!
I was somehow able to get through W's video presentation. On January 24, 2001, I purchased a Bush-Off manufactured by Ronco. It has been a real brain saver. It attaches to any television or radio and mutes
the device when it detects our President speaking. Apparently it works by detecting smarminess, bull#%&t and unbelievable arrogance. Thank you Ronco!And did you know that John McCain was a prisoner of war during the Vietnam 'conflict'?
The RNC was truly an example of diversity on parade. I enjoyed watching the news media play Find the Person of Color. Sometimes several minutes went by before they were successful in their quest. I think they found a total of seventeen during tonight's broadcast.
Apparently from time-to-time during the week's proceedings, zookeepers from the Minnesota Zoo threw large chunks of raw meat on the floor of the convention center. Whenever this occurred, chants of 'USA, USA' and 'Country First, Country First' could be heard, drowning out many speeches, including Mr. McCain's. The blood lust was palpable.
As I was watching the goings-on during the last four days, I kept asking myself, "Do they really believe their own bull@%#t, or do they know it's total bull@%#t, but they just want to see how incredibly f#$%ing gullible the American public is. My guess is, the American public is VERY f#$%ing GULLIBLE!
And did you know that John McCain was a prisoner of war during the Viet Nam 'conflict'?
Tonight, we decided to have some fun and gave the convention a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 treatment. To add to our enjoyment of the spectacle, we watched Cindy McCain's propaganda speech with the sound off. With the quasi Farrah Fawcett hairdo, she looked and gestured just like a Sunday morning TV evangelist. Kinda creeeeeeeeeepy!!!
And did you know that John McCain was a prisoner of war during the Viet Nam 'conflict'?
Our future president kept asking the crowd at the RNC if they were having trouble finding work, putting food on the table (or on their family), and making their mortgage payments. WTF? Who the hell did he think he was talking to, po' folk?
Of course we waited and waited. And then it finally happened. McCain meandered his way to the issue of public education. Mr. McCain described education as the CIVIL RIGHTS ISSUE of the century! WTF? Of course, he repeated the obligatory wingnut meme trashing public education and failing schools (read f@$# the pond-scum teachers' unions and their communist, liberal, homosexual, pro-choice agendas). He wants 'competition' and 'school choice' to attract good teachers. Who the hell wants to go in this profession nowadays? A little masochism is OK, but geez, there's a limit to how much nonsensical crap a person can put up with! Can't wait to see the whole mess implode soon.
Our steadfast vigilance was rewarded at the end of Mr. McCain's speech. We were all totally blown away when OJT Sarah Palin reached into her Louis Vuitton handbag, apparently handed down to her by Cindy McCain, pulled out a live, dapple-colored rat, and tossed it to McCain. And unbelievable as it seems, he proceeded to tear the head off of the poor little creature with his bare teeth, then spat it back to VPILF Palin, where she caught it with her new handbag! We looked at each other with disbelief! What the @#%k was that? We waited anxiously for the political pundits to put a positive spin on it. And they did! On FOX news, Sean Hannity was beside himself with glee. So excited was he that he almost choked on a piece of raw sirloin. He said, "This is proof again that John McCain was a real maverick and is what the greatest country God has given the world needs right now." Tony Blankley, of the Washington Times and resident right-wing tool on KCRW's Left, Right and Center, said it was a bold move on McCain's part. "Not many presidential hopefuls would have the chutzpah to try something this visceral only two months before the presidential election, but it does add greatly to his image as a maverick," opined Mr. Blankley. Even Chris Mathews of MSNBC said it really proved that, "A maverick like McCain had what it takes to tackle, head-on, the issues important to the Republican party; turning Iran into a parking lot, punching more holes in the earth's crust to increase Big Oil's profit margin, scraping public schools from the American landscape, and marching towards the End Times."
And did you know that John McCain was a prisoner of war during the Vietnam 'conflict'?
No comments:
Post a Comment