Oh the sponges, the sponges . . .

I spent the majority of my Sunday grading students’ papers. I took a box of work down to the boat launch at Lake Mukasey. I also took a picnic basket filled with a wonderful wedge of well-aged Stilton, some dry salami, some rye crackers and an unassuming bottle of Chianti. I settled in, preparing to slather pages and pages of 20lb. white paper with red ink. After the sixteenth poorly-written art criticism essay, I put my correcting pen down, whimpered a bit, took a generous swig of Chianti, and thought, “Where exactly did the “Dry Sponge Theory” come from?”

With the presidential smear campaign race in full swing, we have been hearing a lot about America’s favorite whipping boy, PUBLIC EDUCATION! The rhetoric I have heard and read seems to point to one conclusion; that both camps think teaching is an easy job because of unions, that kids aren’t learning because teachers are lazy and only care about their retirement benefits, and every child is a dry sponge, just waiting to soak up a puddle of knowledge each day, if only their damn, union-loving teachers would supply that knowledge! Wow, wish it were that easy!

Even though I’m a tad long in the tooth, I am a bit new to teaching at this grade level. I am constantly amazed, on a daily basis, how much most campers at Camp Nickleby don’t give a rat’s ass about school or learning. School, apparently, is the last place they would like to be spending their little teenage lives. Go figure! Although there are, of course, some bright stars that show a glimmer of hope for the future, most just take up usable volume, waiting for the last bell to ring.

We are into our fourth week of the new school year at the camp. Using my magical powers of seeing into the future, I already know which kids are going to do well, and which kids are probably going to crash and burn. It is just that easy. I get it wrong every now and then, but usually I’m correct 90% of the time.

Searching the Internets, I read that Johnny Seven Houses and the Big O both have their ideas concerning how to ‘fix’ public education. Johnny S. H. wants to send all children to private schools, where of course they won’t have to deal with that icky theory of evolution, and they can hunker down with their abstinence-only sex education studies. The Big O wants to increase the number of charter schools (including Camp Nickleby) where parents can send their children, thinking they will get a better education. A better education? I’m thinkin’, not so much.

My take on the whole thing is that we teachers just do the best we can with the raw materials we have. Most of our time as teachers is taken up by overcoming obstacles such as too many kids in the class room (37 kids in a room that can safely handle 24), obsolete technology (ancient computers which have molassesly-slow processing speeds, prone to crashing every three minutes. How long ago did they make the Apple Lisa, anyway?), and a resource budget that is slightly higher than dumpster-diving.

Here’s your homework!

I came upon these two articles. One is by a teacher who was able to put in writing all of my thoughts that only got to the second-draft stage. The other is by Lake Woebegone raconteur Garrison Keillor. Each one is a spot-on summation of the current, knuckle-dragging attack on public education. Please read.

http://www.sltrib.com/opinion/ci_10456190?source=email

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_10456187?source=most_emailed