Thursday, November 13, 2008

They should know how to take a test by now, right?

These are some of the more remarkable results from a Diego Rivera test I gave last Monday. Out of 80 tests given, about 10% got No. 9 wrong. How is this possible? Did I not give them enough of a clue? Seven years of teaching kids test-taking skills, and still they haven't figured out the game.

Oh yeah, and I was wrong about the election! Now we wait. Coach Shrewsbury, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, is finally getting use to having a democrat in the white house. This should be fun.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

She ain’t singin’ yet!

Twenty months. Well worth the wait. Today’s the day. Will the Democrats continue their time-honored tradition of snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory? Will Obama become the new POTUS? I’m thinking the whole thing is going to crumble at the last minute. Ooooooooooooooooooooo, beware of the Bradley Effect. Will they really vote Obama after waiting in line eight hours? Are the polls really indicative of how people are going to vote? I don’t know, I want to feel optimistic, but something just doesn’t feel right.

I’m reminded of the Dead Kennedy’s remake of the old Phil Ochs song, Love me, I’m a liberal. Used here without an ounce of permission from either Jello Biafra or the late Phil Ochs.

Love Me I'm a Liberal

I cried when they shot John Lennon
Tears ran down my spine
And I cried when I saw "JFK"
As if I'd lost a father of mine
But Malcom-X and Ice-T had it coming
They got what they asked for this time

So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

I go to pro-choice rallies
Recycle my cans and jars
I'll honk if you love the Dead
Hope those funny Grunge bands become stars
But don't talk about revolution
That's going a little bit to far

So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

I cheered when Clinton was chosen
My faith in the system reborn
I'll do anything to save our schools
If my taxes aint too much more
And I love Blacks and Gays and Latinos
As long as they don't move next door

So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

Rush Limbaugh and the L.A.P.D.
Should all hang thier heads in shame
I can't understand where they're at
Arsenio should set them straight
But if neighborhood watch doesn't know you
I hope the cops take your name

So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

Yeah, I read the New Republican
Rolling Stone and Mother Jones too
If I vote it's a democrat
With a sensible economy view
But when it comes to terrorist Arabs
There is no one more red, white, and blue

So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal

Once I was young and had an attitude
Stickers covered the car I drove in
Even went on some direct actions
When there weren't rent-a-cops to be seen
Ah, but now I've grown older and wiser
And that's why I'm turning you in

So love me, love me, love me,
I'm a liberal


Monday, November 3, 2008

How to tell a Marxist from a fabric swatch

Teaching high school is its own reward sometimes. Actually, more times than I'd like to think about.

During today's art lecture, a photo of Groucho Marx justaposed with a photo of John Lennon was shown to the kiddies during drawing class. I asked if anyone got the joke. Anyone? Anyone? Of course, nobody knew what the hell I was talking about. Most of the kids did know who John Lennon was. That Groucho guy? Forget it. I explained who he was. Blank stares. Then I explained the joke; Marx and Lennon, Karl Marx and V.I. Lenin. Blank stares continued. I asked if anyone knew who Karl Marx was. Anyone? Communist Manifesto? Anyone? Did anyone know who Lenin was. Anyone? One brave soul offered, "Isn't it a kind of fabric?" A home economics major, no doubt. You just have to wonder how they have gotten this far with so little.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Home schooled perhaps?

Coach Shrewsbury received a letter from Sarah Palin yesterday. He was so excited that she took the time out of her busy schedule criss-crossing the United States, spreading her message of the eminent communist takeover of this country, to personally write him a letter, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was a mass-mailed form letter, and her signature was actually printed on the page. He was beside himself with glee and just had to show the letter to me. In about two nanoseconds of proofreading, I noticed that the FIRST WORD in the letter was misspelled. How in the hell is it possible, in the 21st century, to misspell the word WEDNESDAY??? Those little red squiggly lines MEAN SOMETHING people! How is it possible, in the 21st century, can you own a computer without SPELLCHECK??? This letter was sent out by the Republican National Committee. WTF, are they still using Trash 80s over there? Margaret Spellings, please proofread their stuff for them! THIS IS JUST SUCH A MAJOR FAIL!

Which naturally brings me to this . . .

Sarah Palin was seated next to little Johnny on an airplane trip back to Washington.

She turned to little Johnny and said 'Let's talk. I've heard that the flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly and said to The Palin, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said The Palin. 'How About What Changes I Should Help Make to America'? and she smiles.

'OK,' little Johnny says. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

Palin, visibly surprised by little Johnny's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which little Johnny replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to help change America when you don't know SHIT ?'