Tuesday, September 28, 2010
We have managed to complete almost five weeks of the new school year. So far, none of the campers have been strangled by their teachers. Many have come close.
Because of budget constraints, Dr. Kim Chee decided to have the camp go to a seven-period day. Apparently, this was to save money. Or something. More periods and less teaching time in each period. Brilliant!
The little campers can’t handle it. I thought last year’s incoming class of freshmen were as dumb as a box of hammers, but this year’s class is about to break all records for stupidity, with a little extra on the side for just plain rudeness. Apparently, these children have been raised by a pack of wild wolves. My after-lunch classes resemble a cage full of chimpanzees! Their classroom behavior is off the chart! They are loud, foul-mouthed, unkempt, boorish, mean, slovenly, rude and totally unmanageable. And they are proud of it!
They are about two degrees away from throwing feces at each other! When I hear Barry and his winged-monkey Arne blaming all of the problems on teachers, I just have to scream! I can’t teach anymore. I no longer have the strength. About 85% of my time is taken up with classroom management, herding the little @#%&heads to the office. There was a time when I would try to turn around the little ‘project children.’ See if I could fix them. I just don’t give a damn anymore. They are broken and can’t be fixed. #$&* ‘em.
We are going to hell in a hand basket, and fast!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Five weeks into the new school year and I'm fried already! The children, the children! More about them later.
Packing the car up this morning and heading down the hill to the lovely little town of Sanger, California. Going to the Hobbs Grove Bluegrass Festival! Taking my mandolin, my geetar, and perhaps the Dobro. Hoping to jam with some folks and learn some new bluegrass licks.
Hope-to-hell I can recharge my batteries. Otherwise, I might as well just turn in my resignation letter Monday morning.
Had a great time! Favorite group, Snap Jackson, out of Stockton. A trio playing an eclectic mix of bluegrass, jazz and a pinch of alt. They even use a uke on some songs. You can never go wrong with an uke!
Camped next to a big RV. My neighbor was at her table, with what looked to be a 14" high stack of notebooks. I figured her out to be a school teacher. I was right. SHE WAS WORKING ON A SATURDAY, CORRECTING 7TH GRADER ESSAYS!!! OMG! ON HER OWN TIME, ON A SATURDAY. SHE TEACHES AT A PUBLIC SCHOOL. SHE IS A MEMBER OF A TEACHERS' UNION! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT???
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Last week, the Camp Nickleby staff suffered through yet another mind-numbing exercise in futility, described as Professional Development. Dr. Kim Chee, armed with another of her professionally-produced (and outsourced) PowerPoint presentations, told us (read to us), once again, what lousy teachers we are and why we should all be fired, or at least lose our union affiliation! “You teachers are all so laaaaaazy. You are not good. Arne Duncan doesn’t like you either,” Dr. Chee screamed. Bless her heart.
The main focus of the meeting was to berate us for our abysmal test scores from last spring’s standardized tests. The scores just came out! We were told, once again, that we must raise our scores to acceptable federal levels, or we will be purchased by Bill Gates or Eli Broad, or one of the many other education ‘experts’ circling overhead and, having never taught before, know how it should be done. Bless them
The bright moment of the day came when one of our veteran teachers summed up the current incarnation of school ‘reform’ by stating, “I just teach until they take the tests in April. After April, I don’t care anymore. Nothing matters after the tests.” And that’s where education in the United States has landed, folks. Hope all of the villagers are happy. Blessings be upon us all.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I think what I like best about this, besides the fact that it hits at the heart of all the testing bullshit kids have to go through, is the killer Stephen Hawking computer-generated voices!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Are ye ready to buckle some swashes? It's International Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Unfortunately, TLAPD happens on a Sunday this year. Bummer. The campers won't be able to enjoy my lectures delivered in my best pirateeze.
To help some of you landlubbers enjoy the day, here are Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like A Pirate Day (From the official website. No really, there IS an official TLAPD website.)
10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …
1. Prepare to be boarded.