Thursday, October 30, 2008

Please say it's almost over!

Well, it's been awhile.

The presidential campaign has hit Camp Nickleby. Yesterday, our campers participated in the National Mock Election, complete with the myriad of California ballot propositions. If yesterday’s election is any indication of what the real election will be like next Tuesday, we are in big trouble.

First, most of the campers did not know anything about the propositions, except for Prop 8, the anti-gay marriage initiative. I thought it would be a good idea to run through them quickly before they voted. With their usual five-nanosecond attention span, I’m not sure if this helped or not.

Second, the ballot designed for this exercise in futility was so confusing, most of the kids had no idea what or who they were voting for. Hmmmmmm, can you say Florida 2000? Although there were no hanging chads, most of the kids’ pencil erasers got a workout!

The camp powers-that-be initially considered giving the students a real U.S. election experience, and have them wait in line for three hours before they voted. At the last minute, they thought better of it. There were, however, some voting irregularities reported. Many of the campers came crying up to me, complaining that when they bubbled in Obama’s name, John McCain’s name was mysteriously bubbled in instead. Oddly enough, no kids claimed that Ralph Nader's name was magically bubbled in. Very curious. I emailed investigative journalist Gret Palast, and he promises to look into the matter.

On a darker note, several days ago, one of our Camp Nickleby Young Republicans came to school hysterical and claimed that she was accosted the night before at the Dairy Queen down in Cedarville. Heather Mumsford reported that a large, angry Obama supporter, seeing her wearing a McCain/Palin t-shirt, grabbed her milkshake, threw it to the ground, and proceeded to carve an ‘O’ into her forehead with a plastic spork. Many of the campers believed her without question. “That just sounds like something an Obama supporter would do”, they opined. But Flower Rainbow Light, president of the Nickleby Young Socialists club, sarcastically claimed, “She’s such a freakin' moron. She just carved it into her head herself, and carved it in backwards too!” After careful examination by the camp nurse, the carved ‘O’ was actually just an extreme case of ringworm!

And that’s the news from Camp Nickleby, where every youngster enjoys the great outdoors, clean fresh air and daily mountain hikes, and NO CHILD'S LEFT BEHIND!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Uh, like, such as . . .

Tonight’s the night! A few of the staff are getting together in Spellings Hall to watch the Vice Presidential Debate. We can’t wait! We’re taking bets on both sides of the aisle. About half of us think the Palin Express will derail about 25 minutes into the thing. The other half think Joe Biden will not be able to keep his mouth shut and just ramble on and on with each answer until it becomes unbearably painful to watch. In either case, we expect a fun evening.

Millicent Shrewsbury, president of the Palinites For Freedom club at the camp, has graciously volunteered the services of her three club members to provide us with snack items and beverages during the broadcast. The group plans a menu of hot dogs, ‘freedom’ fries, and Cheetohs, all washed down with Monster energy drinks. Yummy!

Millicent is the daughter of our coach and athletic director and is very involved in local Republican politics. During this election season, she has been canvassing the foothills, to drum up support for the McCain/Palin ticket. But two days ago, she came to class crying. Apparently, somebody took the McCain/Palin yard sign from her house and altered it, placing Palin’s name on top! By 10:30 that morning, after some thought, she thought it would be a great idea if indeed the ticket was inverted.

It looks like we’re all set for an interesting evening. Along with the wonderful grub, we have also armed ourselves with a set of Palin Bingo cards, to spice up the festivities. We plan on making a large bowl of ‘punch’ just for the occasion. Every time Ms. Palin uses one of her time-tested sound bites, we’ll throw back a shot of ‘punch’. I’m calling in sick tomorrow.