What's all this I keep hearing about a cheese mint gap? Seems to me you'd want a gap between cheese and mint. They just don't go together, no matter what type of recipe you use them in. The tastes of each are just too different. They're just not compatible. I'm all in favor of continuing the gap between cheese and mint, as God intended because . . . what? Oh really? Never mind! *
One of the favorite buzzword phrases used by the accountably-in-education clowns is The Achievement Gap. Holding a prominent place within the NCLB insanity, this is yet another hurdle teachers and schools are expected to clear. Teachers are expected to work miracles. We are expected to somehow nullify negative forces outside of the school environment which affect student performance and make things nice! Looks so nice on paper or in a speech.
Two weeks ago, before classes started for the new school year and the campers were back at Camp Nick, I got on my vintage Italian road bike and took a spin down the mountain and around the surrounding area. I took a right turn up an old, abandoned logging road. I was shocked by what I saw. Hidden in the mountains, among the pines and firs, I witnessed a community that surely missed out on the American dream. Most of the 'homes' people were living in (if you could call it living) would not be suitable for a dog. I witnessed soul-grinding poverty at its worst. Apparently, many of our students come from this environment. And I thought to myself, how in the hell are we expected to close a gap, when the playing field is marked with large boulders that must be rolled out of the way first? What is glaringly missing from all of the nonsensical hype spewed concerning NCLB is any mention that a student's home life 'might' figure mightily into their school performance.
But I accept the challenge. I have a plan. I figure if I'm going to close the 'gap', I need to give my students the same opportunities that more affluent students are given. First off will be help with homework. When my teaching day ends, I plan to visit each student's cabin in the evening and help them with their homework. Taking into account I have more than 150 students on my roster, I probably won't be able to spend much time with each student. I figure each kid will get two minutes of my time. Hey, better than nothing. Let's see, 150 kids times 2 means I should make it back home to my cabin around 1:00 a.m. Utilizing my Dianetics training from the 70s, I'll get about three hours of sleep, then back up at 4:00 a.m. to start my breakfast run. Armed with my portable, propane-fired, non-stick griddle, I will be able to supply each camper with a protein-rich and balanced breakfast, so they will be ready for the day of learning awaiting them. I'm also willing to take time to post bail for students' parents, if the need arises, and help parents get to work, if they indeed do have a job, when their car won't start or if it was stolen in the night.
I know this will work. Our motivational speaker told us we had to go that extra measure if we wanted to be 'good' teachers. Hell, if Santa can hit the entire world in one night, I think I can hit a handful of mountain cabins! Piece of cake!
*with heartfelt apologies to the most wonderful Gilda Radner
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