Back in the saddle!

Well, it’s day two of a new school year at Camp Nickleby, and chaos has already reared its ugly head. Too many campers and not enough space to house them. Predictably, my classes are bursting at the seams, and not enough chairs for the youngins to sit on! We’re off to a good start! Our enrollment is up this year, apparently because many parents are opting to send their kids here instead of a regular public school. They think that, because we’re a charter school, their kiddies will get a better education. What idiots! We’re only in it for the money!

I guess we look like we need more motivation

The week before camp started, the faculty was subjected to several days of mindless meetings, going over the plan for the year, and discussing ways to keep the NCLB federales off of our backs for another year. We were also forced to sit through the obligatory, yearly staff rah-rah session, headed by yet another down-on-his-luck motivational speaker. Geez, where do they find these people? This year’s speaker spent most of his hour-long diatribe proclaiming that teachers just don’t do enough for the kids and that if they were really serious about teaching, they would start work ½ hour earlier in the morning and leave ½ later in the afternoon. Say what? I don’t know, but I think I give 110% already, thank you very much!

A new viceroy, chancellor, superintendent at Camp Nick

On our return, we learned that the Camp’s Board of Trustees, including the newly-elected Mr. Young-Smith, hired a new superintendent! Her name is Kimberly (Kim) Chee. She comes to us via Washington, D.C., where she was the CEO of a right-wing educational think tank called Blame the Teachers First. Methinks we are in for some rough times. Kim Chee has suggested that the Board change our teaching contract so that they can pay us minimum wage! In addition to this, she has made it clear that we should all be fluent in a foreign language. Unfortunately, the language she is proposing in Swedish! And to heap injury upon injury, she has suggested that we start wearing our underwear on the outside of our clothing! This is gonna get ugly!

What are we gonna do with these mother@$%&in’ snakes?

The Board is reconsidering renting out the camp in the future. This past summer’s experiment renting to Pastor John’s organization didn’t go too well. The renters left the camp a complete mess. There were empty shell casings everywhere, not to mention fish entrails clogging up the sinks! And for some inexplicable reason, they left behind three cages of live, poisonous snakes! What were they doing with snakes??? The cages were marked ‘religious supplies’.

Packing heat!

On the plus side, the Board did decide at their last meeting that they will allow camp counselors to wear a concealed weapon! Apparently it was thought that this would motivate the young children to come to class on time, do their homework every night, and do well on the standardized tests. This is going to be totally AWESOME and is much cheaper than paying the kids for better test scores. Public education in America just keeps getting better and better!