Friday, August 14, 2009

I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!


I think I deserve a big refund! I spent a lot of money and a lot of time, back in the day, learning a bunch of librul, teacher mumbo-jumbo, going through hoops and hurdles, to get a teaching credential. If I waited thirty years until the dumbing down of America was in full swing, I could have saved myself a load of money and time and just spend less than a buck for a teaching certificate! What a maroon!

In the July 31, 2009 issue of The Washington Post, an article explained these new-fangled ways to become a teacher in NCLB America. Heck, you don’t even need none of them there fancy how-to-teach classes. Just pays your money and sit in a chair for a few weeks and, presto, you’re a teacher! You can even do it from home, on-line! Ain’t that great! It just gets better and better, don’t it?

Here are some of the more memorable moments culled from the article:

Many reformers say a fast track is the best way to capture potential teachers. "If you get rid of the hoops and hurdles, you can get some fantastic people to come into teaching," said Michael J. Petrilli, vice president at the Thomas B. Fordham Institute, a District-based education think tank. (Problem is, they don’t stay)

Some initiatives seek to avoid traditional education school curricula (mumbo-jumbo) completely. The American Board for Certification of Teacher Excellence approves teachers in nine states through online training and tests. In the District and in Maryland, the New Teacher Project has authority to certify its teachers with a practical, year-long seminar series led by D.C. public school teachers. (Year-long!??? Think of how much partying time I lost while studying teacher edgumacation in collitch!)

Linda Darling-Hammond, an education professor at Stanford University, said accelerated training programs that put teachers in charge of classes right away can lead to higher burnout rates because teachers become quickly overwhelmed. Her research shows that teachers with more comprehensive training are less likely to leave within a few years.

Until a few years ago, many positions, particularly in urban schools, were filled by teachers with emergency credentials. The 2002 No Child Left Behind law outlawed the practice, and alternative programs sprouted up to give under-prepared teachers a clear path through state-required coursework. (but, but, I thought we all had to be highly-qualified!)

But here’s my favorite . . .

Career-changers are considered desirable because they bring maturity and outside experiences into classrooms. They also help solve a perennial problem in public education, particularly in math and science: Too few teachers have a solid grasp of the subject they teach. (This, ladies and gentlemen, is just some damn fine journalism! WTF? According to whom? Did the writer pull this out of a monkey’s butt? Oh yeah, she probably did!)

I had an appointment with a new doctor last Thursday. I asked him where he went to school for his medical training. He told me he attended Big Bob’s School of Doctorin’ in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Took him seven months and only cost him $485. I got the hell out of there fast!

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