Sadly, this may be the last year the annual Camp Nickleby 10th Grade Science Fair will be held. Because of the pressure to increase our camp's English and math scores on the all-important standardized tests, the science curriculum has had to take the back seat in instruction. Science scores won't be figured into AYP/API scores until somewhere in the distant future, perhaps when George Bush and his minions are long-gone and public education has finally been
decimated by NCLB.
Mr. Pythagoras, our science and math counselor, decries the quality of the science projects this year. "Putting it mildly," he said, "this stuff is somewhat lacking on so many levels." Actually, it can be summed up in three words; VOLCANOES, VOLCANOES, VOLCANOES! Alas, the every-popular (and easy) baking soda volcano was quite ubiquitous. Out of 45 entries in the science fair, a whopping 27 were volcanoes, in all shapes, colors and sizes!
However, there were a few brave students who managed to forge through the sea of mediocrity and create something of their own, no matter how bizarre or random. Here are some of this year's non-volcano entries:
Helping Your Parent Through the DTs
This thoughtful project, by Jason Normwell, chronicles his time devoted to helping his mother, Charlene Murphy, get through her 12-step program at the local health clinic in Cedarville. Unfortunately, Charlene only got through step nine, then left Jason to fend for his self, when she ran off with an itinerant logger.
When Do-it-Yourself Body Piercing Goes Awry
Cindy and Heather came up with this one all by themselves. Practitioners of the tattoo arts, being somewhat scarce here in the woods, Cindy and Heather decided to do their own tongue piercings, "cuz that's, like, what all the boys like and everything." They decided to accomplish a "two-fer" and document their personal maiming adventure for their science project. Using Cindy's mom's sewing needle, a couple of finishing nails, and a pint of Jagermeister, they were able to pierce each other's tongue, without bleeding to death. Of course, both girls' piercing became infected. For their project, the girls decided to calculate the speed of Heather's infection and how long it would take to travel to her heart. Luckily they got her to the health clinic in time. But the photos of their project were amazing! Definitely Pulitzer material!
A New Look at Our Solar System
A few of the new students from that group at the old Johnson place even entered the science far, although it was quite obvious that science was not their forte. Hope Young-Smith, younger sister of Chastity, entered a model of our solar system. Unfortunately, there were a few problems with it, and she was disqualified. On her model, all of the planets, including the sun, revolved around the earth, represented by a flat, picnic plate. On the positive side, the planet Pluto was reinstated to its rightful place in our solar system.
Other projects that were submitted, but relegated to the back room at Spellings Hall, the venue for the science fair, included:
* Making a Dust Bunny Farm
* Magical Maggots
* Slug Maze
* Forest Fires are Fun!
* Battle Squirrels
3 comments:
Today’s Lesson: PERSONIFICATION
The volcanoes formed a committee and decided not to participate in the unfair FAIR grading process, instead they would each like a personal affirmation.
In CN’s all important language arts classes we are covering figurative language… and the way I figure it’s going to be a bad year for test scores. Here is why:
Personification is giving human qualities to non-human objects like the sun smiled, the cow laughed or the teacher's red pen CRIED.
HERE is a real example given by college prep junior: THE WIND BLOWS
Well…. yes that is a human quality, action, or emotion… but that isn’t an appropriate for camp! Oh, how the piggy’s answers BLOW!
Tomorrow we are tackling clichés like
A few answers short of a standardized test
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few volcanoes short of a science fair
A few dust bunnies short of a farm
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
A few slugs short of a maze
A few planets short of a federation
A few principals short of front office
A few electives short of a full schedule
A few Vicodins short of a nice day
how does that silk pursemaker find so many great events to write about at Camp Nick...it must be the happiest camp/school on the planet, even if the planet is flat.
We need more Embly and less ASS
Camp Awards Assembly today was heavy on the ass both literal and figurate
The award for the Most Egotistical Presenter goes to MR PE for a seemly impossible speech honoring someone else by taking about how it effected him and how he felt and how he would try to survive and how he would go on bravely and how he would now set the standard for excellence.
Club of the Year is:…….. surprise…………. drum roll…..fake suspense…… for the 25th year in a row…… Camp Council!!!!
*(voted on by Camp Council, Camp Memory book came in second since Camp Council advisor’s wifey runs it)
The whole shindig closed with the friends of the photographer’s focus on Camp Council slideshow…..
This little piggy wished she stayed home…… Go Porkbellies!
Post a Comment