Well, springtime is in full swing here at Camp Nickleby. The weather is warming up. The amount of clothing the campers wear is diminishing, and there is love in the air. Lots of it! Everywhere, young campers can be found hiding in their special mating places throughout the camp; behind a large granite boulder here, underneath a fallen sequoia there. Anywhere that provides them some shelter from camp counselors’ supervision. I was forced to take a garden hose to a couple of rutting bonobos just last Thursday, hiding behind a small group of dogwood trees. They are warned to break up their little seasonal mating dances, but usually to no avail.
The teenage pregnancy rate here at Camp Nick is way above the national average. This year, we have broken all past records. Some of the blame for this might be laid at the doorstep of our Right-to-Life club, Friends of Fetuses. Their president, senior Maureen O’Donnell, took it upon herself to have the Norplant® Kiosk, located in the quad, bulldozed by her older brother Sean and his D-4 Caterpillar last February. Maureen, who is expecting her second child in July, says that God does not want anything to come between, “our holy right of procreation”
and believes in an abstinence-only policy for teenagers. Seems to have worked pretty well for her!
Ms. O’Donnell is also quite excited about the visit to Camp Nickleby by Bristol Palin, daughter of Alaska Governor, and totally witch-free, Sarah Palin. Ms. Palin is currently on her nationwide Do As I Say, Not As I Do tour, to promote her new book, You Don’t Need a Goalie If the Game Doesn’t Start, published by Simon and Shuster (ISBN 475862). Ms. Palin, new teenage mother, is slated to speak in Spellings Hall this Friday night and all are welcome to attend.
In addition to selling her how-to book on teenage abstinence ($24.99), she will also be selling her latest invention, the Palin Family Baby Name Generator, which consists of an empty Alaskan-brewed IPA can and eighteen Scrabble® tiles ($8.99). They should go like hot cakes in Juneau!
And that’s the news from Camp Nickleby, where every youngster enjoys the great outdoors, clean fresh air and daily mountain hikes, where NO CHILD’S LEFT BEHIND!
The teenage pregnancy rate here at Camp Nick is way above the national average. This year, we have broken all past records. Some of the blame for this might be laid at the doorstep of our Right-to-Life club, Friends of Fetuses. Their president, senior Maureen O’Donnell, took it upon herself to have the Norplant® Kiosk, located in the quad, bulldozed by her older brother Sean and his D-4 Caterpillar last February. Maureen, who is expecting her second child in July, says that God does not want anything to come between, “our holy right of procreation”
and believes in an abstinence-only policy for teenagers. Seems to have worked pretty well for her!Ms. O’Donnell is also quite excited about the visit to Camp Nickleby by Bristol Palin, daughter of Alaska Governor, and totally witch-free, Sarah Palin. Ms. Palin is currently on her nationwide Do As I Say, Not As I Do tour, to promote her new book, You Don’t Need a Goalie If the Game Doesn’t Start, published by Simon and Shuster (ISBN 475862). Ms. Palin, new teenage mother, is slated to speak in Spellings Hall this Friday night and all are welcome to attend.
In addition to selling her how-to book on teenage abstinence ($24.99), she will also be selling her latest invention, the Palin Family Baby Name Generator, which consists of an empty Alaskan-brewed IPA can and eighteen Scrabble® tiles ($8.99). They should go like hot cakes in Juneau!
And that’s the news from Camp Nickleby, where every youngster enjoys the great outdoors, clean fresh air and daily mountain hikes, where NO CHILD’S LEFT BEHIND!
1 comment:
so very clever...love the Palin book promos!
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