Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Olympic Torch Misses The Camp!

Wow, it’s been awhile. We have so much catching up to do. First things first.

Camp Nickleby has just been informed that the Olympic Torch will not be threading its way through the camp! We much glee, we were notified last week by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom that he would like to reroute the torch through our mountain hideaway. Unfortunately, he had a change of heart. Most disappointed was our neighbor and part-time spiritual adviser, Tibetan Monk Ahm Naht Hōm. He was planning something ‘special’ when the torch bearer and accompanying entourage made their way through. He said he wanted to celebrate his brother’s employment as a javelin catcher at the Beijing Olympics this summer. His brother, Awei Phrom Hōm, is still back in Tibet and is a monk-in-training at the local Buddhist monastery. All of the campers, as well as the staff, are very disappointed in this latest development. We made wonderful signs and practiced clever songs and slogans until 3:00 a.m. this morning.

TESTING, TESTING, is this mike on?

Well it’s springtime at ‘The Nick’, and that can mean only one thing . . . STANDARDIZED TESTING!!! Make-or-break-it testing starts next Tuesday and we can hardly wait! All of the test materials are here, under lock and key, just waiting to measure how well our kids learned during the previous year. Luckily, we met our API goal for 2007, which means the barbarians will be kept outside the gate for another 12 months. Or at least we hope so. The kids have been subjected to hours of test-taking strategy lessons and even a motivational speaker to get them pumped up. I’m not sure if he ‘lives in a van down by the river’, but the ghost of Chris Farley could be felt hovering over the campus.

We also received some good news from last February’s CAHSEE test. A great majority of our sophomores passed the test! Unfortunately, not enough passed with a high enough score to keep El Jefe Spellings and her Federales at the Department of Education happy. It's just never good enough for them. Curiously, we only have the sophomores for a year and a half before they are tested with the CAHSEE. We are expected to work wonders in that time. If they do not reach that magical 380 score, we get clobbered. Ironic.

WATERBOARDING CHAMPIONSHIPS CANCELLED ON LAKE MUKASEY

Last month’s waterboarding championships against Camp Grenada had to be canceled at the last minute. Apparently officials from the county health department found low-levels of DDT and other ‘chemicals known to the State of California to be harmful to humans’, to be in the lake. Lake Mukasey not only has a No Lifeguard sign, but a Proposition 65 sign too! On the bright side, the Camp’s Young Entrepreneurs Club has decided to bottle the stuff and sell it on eBay as a cure-all home remedy for everything from Lyme disease to gout. Any proceeds will go to the Douglas Feif’s Prosecution for War Crimes fund. Please purchase a bottle today, won’t you?

And for some sobering reading, check out this site.
http://www.cato-unbound.org/2008/04/07/richard-rothstein/a-nation-at-risk-twenty-five-years-later/

3 comments:

debb said...

I'll have to go on Ebay and see about some of the magic elixer the Nick Campers are selling. I wish we had had a monk in residence at my summer camp, that's just too cook especailly now that they are in the news all the time Your Camp Nick monk, I Ain't Home, sounds like a great guy. Is javalin catching catching on these days in Tibet?

kholland said...

Well, if the kids aren't passing with high enough scores, it seems to me the obvious solution is to take even more time away from studying real subject matter, and spending it on test taking strategies and such.

We all know how important it is in life to pass state tests. :-)

Sanders BUT not the COLONEL said...

Where can I buy official Camp Nick gear and bumper stickers?